There are those moments that teach lessons to last forever. For me, one of those moments came years ago in a store in late afternoon. You know those moments. Most Moms have experienced them. But for most Moms, they end when your children are 3 or 4. For parents of children with hidden disabilities, those moments can extend much later in life.
Get the picture: I have unloaded my basket on the conveyer belt and am waiting for my items to be rung up. The boys are together and then it happened — a tussle began. Only, this was no ordinary tussle — I could tell it was going to be a doozy. My older son was becoming more and more agitated and his voice was rising to a deafening crescendo. I was trying all of the normal things to diffuse the circumstances to no avail — separate children, speak calmly, remind of “inside voice” and consequences to follow, don’t lose my cool, etc. You have been there.
But this day there was no comfort and the meltdown became full blown. Heads were turning, eyes were piercing me from every direction. I could feel the judgment. I could hear the wondering why I did not get control of my child.
I breathed a quiet prayer, sure that God would understand and have some kind word of comfort, “Oh God, I am so embarrassed.”
The words I heard next have rung in my ears repeatedly for years now. Not words of comfort but of rebuke, “I hung naked on a cross for you. Look at your son!”
I was stunned but in a flash it all made sense. Why was I worried about what these people thought of me? I would likely never see them again. They did not know our story. And probably, they would not care.
Of course, all of this happened in a moment, in an instant of time.
I turned my attention to my son who was still screaming full volume. I took his face in my hands to get his attention. “Sweetie, we will leave in just a minute. Could you please go stand in front of the cart and I will finish here?” To my amazed gratitude, he obeyed.
I paid for my items, gathered my things, and got us out of that store.
I will never forget that moment. It was a real life changer for me. One of those that has come up over and over in my mind as the years have passed. I am the mother of THIS BOY and his brother. They should be my focus of concern. If others do not understand, why should that concern me? If God is pleased with my mothering who else matters?
I just went through the same thing last night. I was at McD’s and my autistic daughter and her younger sister did everything they could to embarrass me. My oldest pushed a girl and the other kept stealing toys and drinking sodas from this one family. The family kept trying to keep their kids from my kids. I scolded my daughters and apologized but felt the heat and the judgment. We packed up and practically ran out the door.
In the car I voiced my frustrations with those other parents to my husband. I could tell they felt very proud of how great their children were based on how bad mine were. I (in an almost yell) said to my husband “their kids aren’t better, they just were having a better moment and they don’t understand our struggles, how dare they!”
I wish I would have shaken that shame off and remembered that I serve a mighty God and ‘HE’ loves me and my children in all of our struggles.
Thank you for reminding me that my job and focus should be with my children and not with pleasing others or impressing others.
Yes He does love you and your children! It takes time for this one to sink deep into our hearts. But I would bet that it comes to you more quickly next time. That is growth and it is good.
Thank you for this! Such an encouragement!
Thank you for the reminder. I try to remind myself that if people do not understand what is going on with my children, THEY are actually the ones that are handicapped. My children have a disability, those onlookers presumably don’t–so who has the real responsibility here?
Amen what I have learned also that God’s Grace is sufficient in everything, I used to try and explain my son to people, but guess what they don’t get it and that is alright. My son was Diagnosed with early onset Bi-polar at the age of 5 – there have been times that I have just wanted to give up but some how some way God has always shown me his grace and a way out, without God my wife and I would never have gotten through the hospitalization, the severe mood swings, the outburst of anger, and the ridicule of bystanders. Never forget that God is always in control just let him be the pilot in every situation that occurs.
I took my SPD 4 yr son to the library today for storytime with the summer reading program. It was a Curious George book … thought I had a shot of him sitting down for a few minutes for the reading. No. He had a hard time staying focused on anything going on around him. I am glad I took him because he needs fun experiences like this but since I am struggling with depression and anxiety I can get very overwhelmed. I know I can’t keep everybody happy and that pleasing my Heavenly Father should be highest priority. Thank you for this one. I needed to remember that in light of the Cross this is not as important and most of all Jesus knows and His Grace is sufficient.