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Puzzles

February 28, 2011 By Leave a Comment

We love puzzles. It is a great activity for kids with attention deficit issues if you can get them interested and engaged in the process. It keeps busy hands busy doing something constructive. I have also found as a mother of boys that they don’t do as well at dinner conversation but if I can get them doing an activity the words seem to flow more freely.

So long ago we added puzzles to our mix of things to do that focus attention while I interact with my busy boys.

Sometimes life feels a bit like the beginning of a new puzzle. The pieces are all in a pile and it is hard to make sense of anything. As old puzzle pros, we have learned to spread all the pieces so we can see them and begin to make some sense of what we are looking at. We have also learned to work on the puzzle outline so it begins to take some shape and not feel so overwhelming.

At times life with bipolar disorder is like a puzzle. It can look like a big pile of pieces that just doesn’t make sense and certainly doesn’t look like could ever make a beautiful picture. In those moments, I have to remember to take a deep breath and spread out the pieces so I can see them clearly. I have to remember to look for that outline that provides the structure we need to see the picture clearly. Often that “outline” is some principle from God’s Word and I need to have wisdom to know how it to apply it to the situation.

It is also important to remember that a puzzle usually comes with a box and a picture. Sometimes life isn’t quite as clear as that because we can’t see the picture. The good news is that God sees the picture and we can trust Him to show us how to make sense of the pile of pieces that is sometimes our lives.

Finally, sometimes even after lots of work on a puzzle it still doesn’t turn out perfectly. It is so important to appreciate the beauty and the treasure of putting it together and not just look at that missing piece over there to the right…. I do have to say that I thanked God it was on an edge instead of in the middle! :)

Still puzzling,

Hannah

Filed Under: ADHD, Bipolar Disorder Tagged With: ,

Mouse, on my mind

February 27, 2011 By 6 Comments

I am very excited to be a new blogger with Chosen Families!  I should probably start out with a nice introduction but for now…I’ve got Mickey on my mind.  My niece just received her new nametag from the mouse, himself.  She’s a college student and doing an internship there this semester.

You could say I’m affectionate for Mickey…  :o )

I never met Mickey as a child, nor any of his friends.  But when I met him at age 29, along with my children – I felt like a child.  I was full of wonder and excitement.  But I also had the wisdom of an adult… I practically shed tears because I just felt so happy and fortunate to be experiencing this and sharing it with my children.  Since that first visit a few years ago, we’ve been back another couple times.

One of the things that clinched our decision to take our first visit was when we learned how accepting Disney World is of children with autism.  Disney has a Guest Assistance Card (GAC) for people with disabilities that hinder their ability to wait in line or use certain queue areas.  Upon arrival at the park you go to Guest Services, show them your child’s diagnosis letter or discuss it with them and they will give you a GAC card for the duration of your time at Disney World.  This accommodation is what keeps us coming back to Disney World (well that and the magic!).  We can enjoy special memories together as a family.  So many of the attractions and rides at Disney World are appropriate for our whole family to enjoy together.  Waiting to get in is not painful because with the GAC we are able to use a Fast Pass lane (where available) to enter the ride.  This significantly decreases the amount of time Owen has to stand in line.  He still has to do it, which is good because he learns the necessary discipline of being patient.  But thankfully the poor people in front of us and behind us don’t have to endure his bouncing off of them for as long as if we’d been in the regular line.  In addition to this and just as important, we have always gone during the off-season and during weeks and days that tend to be slower.  I use Undercover Tourist’s recommendations for which parks to visit on the specific days of our trip. 

Because that major stressor is handled and understood by Disney, we are able to enjoy our children and the experience.  We love seeing the wonder in their eyes.  This environment is perfect for our son.  We are continuously experiencing or doing something, or we’re on the move to the next one.  This constant activity and entertainment is perfect for Owen and it actually allows my husband and I to have a great trip.  While trekking around the parks, kids in strollers, we can talk and enjoy each other’s company.  Upon our return from each of these trips, and a short window of time where Owen is transitioning back into his schedule, Owen has a surge of compliance, learning, and growth.

Another thing we have done before each trip is to write a detailed social story (with pictures) so Owen knows exactly what to expect.  I also bring things like light sticks so Owen feels in control of his environment when it’s dark.  We got into pin trading and Owen’s desire to do so grew with each visit.  This last time he was initiating interactions with cast members to seek out a possible pin trade.  He was having to articulate and socialize with “strangers” and this added a layer to our therapy that we simply can’t replicate at home.  And lastly, we always use strollers!  If you have any concern at all with your child wandering off, or just simply being distracted, or if your child “falls to pieces” when they get tired – bring one!  Up until this last trip we’ve always brought one or two along and appreciated having it in the airport as well – it doubles as an often needed safety measure.  When Owen is in a stroller he feels safer and more able to handle situations out of his control.  For our most recent trip Owen could no longer share one with a sibling (I’ll save this for another post someday!) and he was right at the weight limit for our traditional single stroller so we rented the perfect stroller from Orlando Stroller Rentals.  

 

One thing I have learned about Owen’s “label” is that it really helps people understand him.  We don’t wear it on our sleeve while traveling but when needed I can let people know and quickly turn judgment into compassion (and that could be another whole post!).  I highly encourage families with a child on the spectrum to give it a whirl!  Disney World is the happiest place on earth, after all!

Filed Under: ADHD, Autism, Respite Tagged With: , ,

Challenged but prayerful

February 25, 2011 By 5 Comments

I am feeling really challenged today with the complexity of my life. I know you understand what I mean. Trying to balance the various demands on my time and energy, seeking to stay fully surrendered moment by moment to the Lord, being concerned for all of you.

It is enough to send me right over the edge so to speak. But no. Instead I am just coming to you to let you know it is that kind of day for me today. I could use your prayers for me as I pray for you.

Please pray for each of our bloggers by name today: Hannah, Joan, Louise, Momzilla, Peggy. We are adding a new blogger (HOORAY!!!) so please pray for her as well. We will introduce Kara to you in the next couple of days.

I know that God sees each of us where we are. And He loves us. He knows the path we travel because He foreknew it from the foundations of the world. Ephesians 2:10 tells us that … we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.

So as you walk today, remember the assurance of this amazing verse with your name in it.

Shannon is God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that Shannon would walk in them.

Wow.

Praying for you today,

Shannon

Filed Under: God's presence, grace Tagged With: ,

Squeaks and Squirms

February 24, 2011 By 4 Comments

There is some mom out there right now raising a son with ADD who needs a little hope that God knows what He is doing, that the squirming can turn out for good….this blog’s for you.

Both the guys in my life are mega ADD, so I used to tuck the little guy in his bed, then crawl into bed with the big guy. To this day, I think I’ve died and gone to heaven when I get an eye-to-eye-complete-undivided-attention-conversation with either one. Usually they’ve got their head into something else either literally or figuratively – a computer, or car hood, or something – while “talking” to me. Oh honey, that blesses me more than I can say….

Yes, all of our chairs squeaked and swayed, recliners included,  because our little guy could not sit still.  No wood and glue joint could outlast his constant motion, up, down, back, forth, while twirling his fork, the salt shaker, you name it. Tonight we all got a good laugh out of those old times! We were at dinner (in another home) and I sat in a chair that squeaked and swayed, literally. My now grown son popped up to change chairs with me (a kind gesture), but I giggled as I asked if he really thought HE could keep a chair from squeaking.  Really? That’d be the day ;) . His girlfriend grinned in understanding. (Now she’s the one who reaches out her hand to gently remind him he’s tapping or jiggling….)

You can bet we spent a lot of OUR energy trying to constructively deplete HIS never ending energy. He was the baby who never napped. The wiggly one in church. We tried baseball. He just stood in his position for  2 + hours while we fried in the sun, after which the coaches returned him to us still fully charged. Well that defeated the whole purpose, so two seasons and baseball was O-U-T. Swimming was IN. Yeah, put that little rascal in the water and let him swim laps until his tongue hung out. But a winter of pneumonia froze us out. We all but sang Hallelujah when we  realized he was made for soccer.  Just watching him running around spending all that energy did my heart good.

I can’t tell you how to keep them in grade school, because sitting still was IMPOSSIBLE, so for awhile I taught our kids at home. He whittled while I read, or hung upside down while attempting to spell. (He’s bright, but he still can’t spell.) By sixth grade a half-day charter school opened nearby and in he went, barely surviving the four-ever long hours. Throw a reading disability into the mix and you have one unhappy camper. I think it’s safe to say there was NEVER a day of school he called “good”, so I quit asking. But wonder of all wonders he graduated high school with honors! We don’t know quite how that happened but we’re pretty sure he used the wit and charm Jesus gave him to compensate.

I CAN tell you this:  children love him because his attention span is every bit as short as theirs! They climb all over him while he tells them Jesus stories, on 3 different continents.  He’s working his way through school making big bucks as a waiter because multi-tasking is What He Does. He also does beautiful photography and video work because his constantly changing attention captures fleeting moments. And he’s the counselor-to-beat-all-counselors at summer camps. Every bit of his ADD works to his advantage  – he can outlast, outwit any fellow they put under him, and the head staff don’t spare him the challenges. It takes one to know one. He’s the last to bed, first up, and wears them out in-between.  You can be sure he has an endless selection of consequences for all the rule-breakers, having collected them first hand over his own inattentive life. It’s hilarious to hear him tell those stories — I laugh so hard I can’t breathe!

Currently he’s counting the semester hours until he’s Free From Classrooms for the rest of his life.  To survive, he spends summers outdoors and beyond.  Who knew he’d grow up to be a wilderness guide one summer and back pack across Africa for missions the next?  Perfect fits. No need for table manners in either place, which is good, because we never nailed those. So “it’s all good” as they say.  I could go on but you get my point: it’s pure delight to watch him shine after all those squeaks. Believe me when I say I needed God to reassure me it would be OK back then. I can’t praise God enough for knowing exactly what He was doing as He designed my little-now-big-ADD- guy! Sure, he doesn’t fit in a school desk or a church pew, but he fits in a lot of other places God wants him.

“We are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10

God’s says it’s going to be OK, mama. There are a lot of places your ADD fellow doesn’t fit right now, but know this:  God has already prepared good works  for him – and they are perfect fits. You’re going to love it.

Amazed, relieved, delighted!

Joan

Filed Under: ADHD, Hope, humor, Parenting Tagged With: , ,

Discipline Challenges

February 23, 2011 By Leave a Comment

One of the most difficult areas to walk through in parenting a child with bipolar disorder is the challenge of discipline. It combines several other theoretical things into one practical challenge. You have to deal with reasonable standards of behavior, realistic expectations for your child, and underlying it all — God’s ultimate standards.

Every parent raising a child in today’s culture is faced with discipline challenges. Popular culture speaks to our children in a constant barrage of “Me-ism” that is mind-boggling. Media saturation adds to the barrage and parents are left trying to teach old fashioned values completely against the tide. This is nothing new but many would agree it seems to be getting worse.

Add to these normal challenges a child who frustrates easily, tolerates stress poorly and controls his emotions almost-not-at-all and you have a perfect storm.

Our goal in discipline is always to teach basic Biblical principles of relationship: appropriate response to authority, considering others more important than ourselves, etc. Again, difficult concepts to teach a child with bipolar disorder. But still, this is our challenge.

Louise’s post yesterday was a picture of our lives. We too have the constant challenge of dealing with the daily stress of homework completion. I never would have thought this could be so hard but it is a real nightmare! If I ask what is on his plate for the evening I get the barrage of emotional reaction about too much and too stressful and too hopeless…. How do you respond to that? Do you correct the emotional barrage? Do you give structure to reduce stress? Do you provide encouragement to alleviate the hopeless feelings?

So what we have decided lately, given his age, is to give more freedom to manage his homework as he sees fit. Sometimes that means it doesn’t all get done. Sometimes that means it gets done but not to the level we would normally expect. Sometimes, when things are really bad, we watch a funny movie as a family and forget it all. All in all, he is doing pretty well. His grades are good.

The reality is that one of the most important things we can help our son learn is to live in balance. Stress management is important for us all but it is critical for those living with bipolar disorder. Failing to deal with stress appropriately can create a negative spiral that is hard to correct. Prevention is the best medicine.

So practically speaking, he needs to do his work or approach his teachers if he needs extra time or some other accommodation. Early in his schooling I took on more of these issues but as he approaches launch I am teaching him how to manage this himself. We won’t be going to college with him so he needs to have established patterns that work for him.

So the discipline challenge is two-fold — the external discipline we need to provide and the internal discipline we need to engender — both are critical for his health and well being.

For today, we are still working on both.

Still learning,

Hannah

Filed Under: Bipolar Disorder, Discipline, Parenting Tagged With: , ,

Challenging Parental Authority

February 22, 2011 By 8 Comments

If looks could kill I would have been long gone by now. When my now sixteen year old son was younger he could give me the angry eye better then anyone I have ever known. It felt as if he was looking into my very soul and registering his bitter complaint there. After that he would isolate himself to pout for a time and then resume normal activities. But he did not challenge my authority.

Not so with my thirteen year old son with Asperger’s.

Last week we had an incident. My son had a good bit of homework he needed to do before leaving for a church youth event. Most of the work was in one subject and it was work he had not done when it had been assigned. He worked on his Math on the way home and at home until it was completed. After he finished the Math he decided he deserved to take a break (which translated in his mind to watching an episode of Star Trek on his laptop). When I discovered what he was doing, I told him that he could not watch a video because he had more homework he needed to do in a short period of time. This did not sit well with him.

At this point Stephen’s back stiffened and he began to argue with me and insist that he was NOT going to do the work, but was going to watch the video because he deserved a break. He also stated that I could NOT take away his computer because it was his and he had paid for it. I informed him that I had every right to take away his computer and was, in fact, taking it away for two days (which would mean no Star Trek for him during that time period). After having to enlist the help of my older son to physically restrain Stephen and Stephen trying to hold me back from going to his bedroom I confiscated his computer. I had to hide it where I knew he wouldn’t find it (because I knew he would look for it).

A short time later he came to me with a proposal—he would NOT do any more homework until he got his computer back. At that moment his father walked in the door from work, but when I suggested that he share that idea with his father, he thought better of it. I purposely avoided telling Stephen that he should apologize to me but also was planning out the conversation his father and I would have about what we need to do about Stephen’s behavior.

After he ate dinner Stephen did his work at the kitchen table where I could watch and make sure that he was working. About an hour passed before Stephen came to me. His demeanor was very thoughtful. “I’m sorry about what I said and the way I acted earlier. And, I’m not just saying that because my computer got taken away.” I believe he was sincere. My hope and prayer is that because I allowed Stephen time to process the event and decide on his own that an apology was warranted, that it is a more valuable and lasting lesson to him.

1 The reflections of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord. 2 All a man’s ways seem right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the motives. –Proverbs 16:1-2

Filed Under: Asperger, Parenting Tagged With: ,

Good one, God!

February 21, 2011 By Leave a Comment

The upcoming Spring Break reminded me of a delightful incident last year. When (then 15 year-old) Daniel and I visited my brother Paul in Tampa for Spring Break last year, I was pontificating to my mom and sister-in-law about autism, and how one of the tragedies of this disorder was the incapacity for self-reflection, specifically the ability to assess the development of one’s own character (as in, I’m changing, I’m improving, I’m growing up). Everyone nodded sympathetically at the wise parental sage. On our way back to the timeshare, we stopped and ordered a pizza. I dropped Daniel off at the unit, and went back out to pick up the pizza. When I returned, he had 2 places set for us at the table, complete with plates, glasses and napkins. As I sprinted to the bathroom, I encouraged him to go ahead and eat (pizza is his favorite, and it was late, about 7:45). When I came to the table, there were 2 pieces of pizza on each plate and a soda for each of us, and he was patiently waiting for me. I was astounded, and said how wonderful it was that he set the table, served the food and waited for me! He said, and I quote: “I guess I’m growing up!” Too funny! God has such a delightful sense of humor :-)

Filed Under: Autism Tagged With:

Precious Promises

February 19, 2011 By Leave a Comment

If the Lord delights in a man’s way, He makes his steps firm;
though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand.
I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging for bread.
They are always generous and lend freely; their children will be blessed.
Psalm 37:23-26

I don’t know about you but I have times when my way sure does not seem very firm. I have days when all I seem to do is stumble my way through and I feel completely inadequate to the task.

On those days, this passage holds precious promises.

Let’s start with the beginning: What do we know pleases the Lord? Hebrews 11: 6 answers this question. And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him.

So what gives God’s heart delight? When we believe He exists and earnestly seek Him.

This is the simple condition of the promises in Psalm 37. I can tend to begin to evaluate: But do I believe ENOUGH? And I am reminded of the precious father who came to Jesus in Mark 9:24 and said, “I believe. Help my unbelief.” And Jesus heard him.

And what are the precious promises of this passage for today? God will make our steps firm. He will hold our hand when (not if) we stumble. He will be our provision. He will bless our children.

I don’t know about you but I am SO grateful for these assurances today. The Lord is good.

Filed Under: General, God's presence, grace Tagged With: , , ,

Groans and Guarantees

February 18, 2011 By 4 Comments

I just opened the box of a sound machine (white noise) and threw aside the paper guarantee that came with it, not reading it in all 6 languages. In contrast, my mama kept all guarantees in a file.

But I can tell you this, when my loved ones lost their sound thinking to bipolar disorder, I scrambled spiritually back through the packaging of Christianity looking for the written guarantees. Didn’t I read somewhere that God gives a “sound mind”?? Isn’t that a guarantee of some sort? If not, just exactly what does Jesus guarantee about minds and brains?

I don’t have all the answers. I know II Timothy 1:7 in the KJV says “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and love, and of a sound mind.” But my man asked Jesus into his heart as a boy, and there’s been a lot of NOT “sound mind” since.  So did his mom. So did my grandma. I like the NIV translation “sound mind” as “self discipline”. I have witnessed that. Over the years, when my man has asked (which was not as often as I liked at first), God has given him  self discipline.….discipline to take his meds every morning, noon, and night regardless…to go to work every day no matter where his brain is…the discipline to remove himself from a setting when he’s hit mental or emotional overload…the discipline to submit to my feedback when his meds need tweaking, or the children say “you’re too intense”…the discipline to put the pieces of relationship back together after a mood tsunami.

I’ve searched the Scriptures but can’t find where God guarantees that any part of our anatomy, brain included, gets a free pass from the effects of the curse on creation. In fact, groaning seems to be the guarantee…as in, ALL of creation groans – brains included – waiting for Jesus to come back. “… the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth (pain I remember vividly) right up to the present time (2011). Not only so, but we ourselves…groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for…the redemption of our bodies.” Romans 8:22-23  I think it’s safe to say all of us at Chosen Families are eagerly waiting for the groaning inward of hidden disabilities to be redeemed. Jesus is comforting my guaranteed groaning with guaranteed glory,  so here’s one toe-tapping waiting child of God counting on His guarantee that “creation itself WILL BE liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.” Romans 8:21

Grateful for the guarantee,

Joan

Filed Under: Bipolar Disorder, mental illness Tagged With: , , , ,

Experimentation: Meds & Psychiatrist part II

February 17, 2011 By Leave a Comment

(This is the second half of the post titled “Experimentation” if you need to go back and read it.)

We then took the next step of seeking out a child psychiatrist to walk us through the issue of medical intervention. We received a referral from our pediatrician and met with a child psychiatrist she recommended.

I have to acknowledge that we did this with some fear and trepidation. We are Bible believing Christians. We knew that many in the Psychiatric community would consider us nuts to believe what we did. So we prayerfully met with this doctor, asking God to give us wisdom and peace if this was the right doctor. I remember going in with our list of questions about her medical philosophy, how much experience she had dealing with children with Jack’s background, and about her general treatment approach; however, more than anything, we were looking for a doctor who would honor our philosophy of parenting. We genuinely saw our role as earthly caretakers of this child God had given to our care. We did not consider him our child, but God’s child. We believed the doctor was there to advise us but we were responsible to make the decisions. We were looking for a doctor who would appreciate and honor that approach.

God was gracious to us. Our pediatrician had given us two doctors to interview before we made a decision. We walked away from the meeting with the first doctor completely at peace that this was the right person. It was clear to us that this doctor understood and respected our perspective on parenting. There was a connection and comfort from the beginning. We felt at peace moving forward with her. The next step was to do a visit with Jack. They connected as well.

After a couple of meetings, she confirmed that she believed Jack had a mood disorder and advised that we try a particular medication, one of several mood stabilizers used in children who experience rapid cycling moods.

We took the prescription from her and followed our second principle before we filled the prescription. We did our own research on the drug. What did the resources tell us about the benefits and side effects? As with many other decisions in life, the decision of whether, when and which medication to use is a cost-benefit analysis. We had come to a clear decision that Jack needed medication. Now we had to determine if the medication recommended appeared to provide more hope for benefit than cost of side effects.

In this case, the medication had significant hope of benefit to Jack with low risk of concern. On the upside, it gave hope of stabilized moods that would help him achieve some normalcy in daily life. On the downside, it meant that he would have to have regular blood work. We determined to try it to see if it helped while watching him for any concerns. Jack remained on this med as his main line of treatment for months. Initially this was sufficient to settle the frequency and the volatility of his mood swings. We were grateful for the relief to him and our family but this too was simply a new beginning in our ongoing journey.

This season brought many lessons as well.

We became more convinced than ever of God’s presence in our lives. He provided regular encouragement to us through His Word.

We became more conscious than ever that Jack was God’s child and we were simply stewards of this young life. This provided great comfort when we felt overwhelmed at the challenges presented to us almost daily.

We became more secure in parenting by discernment, listening to God’s quiet voice within us to hear how we needed to respond in whatever moment we confronted. We weighed each comment by others against the quiet assurance God was developing in us and began to learn which comments to discard and which to embrace.

We came to an abiding peace that God was with us for each day we faced and every challenge that it would bring. Truly He never leaves us or forsakes us.

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” So we say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” Hebrews 13: 5-6

Filed Under: Bipolar Disorder, God's presence, Medication, mental illness, Parenting Tagged With: , , , , ,
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