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Three Hebrew Names

August 31, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Sometimes, just when I feel like I’m ruining my daughter because of how we’re raising her, God leads me to a memory or a journal entry where I’ve recorded His faithfulness. He really does lead us as we parent our Cami Girl.

We don’t take Cami to church. (More on the whys in another post.) Even though we’ve arrived at this decision after much prayer and godly counsel, it still feels weird. Most days, it concerns me. Sometimes I feel panicked about it. It’s always on my mind.

Yesterday, I laid my concerns at the foot of the Cross—again. God comforted me with a memory from two years ago, a memory of how faithful He is to shepherd us—all of us—and how He delights to show us how He alone draws our hearts to Him.

I’m reading my daily scripture passages on one living-room couch while Cami reads her fresh-from-the-mailbox recent issue of her kids’ magazine on the other living-room couch. (We’re not big believers in chairs. We like to sit together.)

I am enjoying the discoveries in a Bible story I thought I knew. It’s a fresh breath after Jeremiah 19 and 20, passages which outline God’s planned destruction for His people and have Jeremiah and Baruch in hiding. The next stop in the NLT Chronological Bible is the book of Daniel. I can’t help but think of Veggie Tales and the chocolate bunny statue that I know is coming.

That’s not the part that grabs me. It’s this part:

The king ordered Ashpenaz, who was in charge of the palace officials, to bring to the palace some of the young men of Judah’s royal family and other noble families, who had been brought to Babylon as captives. . .”Select only strong, healthy, and good-looking young men,” he said. “Make sure they are well versed in every branch of learning, are gifted with knowledge and good sense, and have the poise needed to serve in the royal palace. Teach these young men the language and literature of the Babylonians. “Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah were four of the young men chosen, all from the tribe of Judah. The chief official renamed them with these Babylonian names: (Are you ready?)

    • Daniel was called Belteshazzar.
    • Hananiah was called Shadrach.
    • Mishael was called Meshach.
    • Azariah was called Abednego. (Daniel 1:3-4, 6-7)

I didn’t know that.

We remember Daniel by his Hebrew name. But we remember the other three young men–the three who eventually confound the king by way of a fiery furnace–by their Babylonian names, their re-named names, their captivity names.

Why is that?

The living room is quiet with discovery.

I keep reading. At the top of the next page, I encounter those Hebrew names again. I try them out aloud: “Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah.”

From the other couch, I hear a sweet voice say, “Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.”

I can’t catch my breath.

“Cami, how do you know that?”

“What?”

“How did you know what I was reading?”

“Those are the original names for them, the names they were born with.” She looks like she thinks she might be in trouble.

I am just so amazed at the whole exchange, my tone of voice is louder than normal. “Who taught you their original names though?”

“Oh.” Like Whewy. I’m not in trouble. “Mr. Ben told us. At church.”

“When?”

“Oh–a few weeks ago when he told us that story.”

Now, here in my living room, God speaks not only to the “What will it be like for her to ‘promote’ to the third grade Sunday school class?” angst I have, but also to the “Am I ruining her with the way we do homeschool?” angst that I hide inside.

Mr. Ben, the gentleman that tells the Bible stories that include Hebrew names changed to Babylonian names? He is the third-grade Sunday school teacher, the teacher Cami will have after Promotion Sunday.

There’s more in this day’s reading for me. It all has to do with diets and differing opinions of what’s healthy and how one should live to the fullest:

“Test us for ten days on a diet of vegetables and water,” Daniel said. “At the end of the ten days, see how we look compared to the other young men who are eating the king’s rich food. Then you can decide whether or not to let us continue eating our diet.” So the attendant agreed to Daniel’s suggestion and tested them for ten days.

At the end of the ten days, Daniel and his three friends looked healthier and better nourished than the young men who had been eating the food assigned by the king. So after that, the attendant fed them only vegetables instead of the rich foods and wines. God gave these four young men an unusual aptitude for learning the literature and science of the time. And God gave Daniel special ability in understanding the meanings of visions and dreams.

When the three-year training period ordered by the king was completed, the chief official brought all the young men to King Nebuchadnezzar. The king talked with each of them, and none of them impressed him as much as Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah. So they were appointed to his regular staff of advisers. In all matters requiring wisdom and balanced judgment, the king found the advice of these young men to be ten times better than that of all the magicians and enchanters in his entire kingdom. (Daniel 1:12- 20)

I hear an application for me that echoes back to verses in Jeremiah’s story:

For Israel has forsaken me and turned this valley into a place of wickedness. The people burn incense to foreign gods – idols never before worshiped by this generation, by their ancestors, or by the kings of Judah. And they have filled this place with the blood of innocent children. They have built pagan shrines to Baal, and there they burn their sons as sacrifices to Baal. I have never commanded such a horrible deed; it never even crossed my mind to command such a thing! (Jeremiah 19:4-5)

Do what He commands, the “Do this, and do it this way,” nothing extra, adding our own embellishments. That is obedience. Obedience leads us into living the way He designed us to live: with health and vigor, in fullness of life, walking in rightness.

Think of it! God designed this captivity Daniel and his friends were in. Yet, in their captivity, He gave them “unusual aptitude” and “special ability” for His purposes. They stuck out of the crowd. Even as they were renamed to fit the culture, Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah walked as God had made them: Hebrew diet, Hebrew God. They knew who they were—and, as we’ll see in tomorrow’s reading, Whose they were—and they lived that way.

In my daily foray into God’s Word, He gives me personal nuggets: applications, promises, prayers to pray back to Him. The one for how I parent Cami comes from Psalm 33:15: He made her heart, so He understands everything she does. When she baffles me–which is often–I remind God, “Lord, You made this child. . .show me what she needs. What do I do? What do I say?”

He’s done that on this day, through three Hebrew names spoken aloud in my living room.

Everything He does is worthy of our trust!

Oh, to trust Him more and more,

Cassandra

 

Filed Under: Encouragement, God's presence, grace, Journey, Prayer, Thanksgiving Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Pressing On

August 29, 2011 By 4 Comments

And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

Romans 5:2-5

In my last post, I shared about our recent miscarriage and how God has been with us in amazing ways throughout the process.

I think one of the hardest parts of the whole experience has been the utter shock of it all.  We went from the total shock of being pregnant, to the shock of losing the baby in less than six weeks, after the baby seemed to be developing normally.

The challenge was (and is) making sense of it all.  Sure there were probably medical explanations for what happened, but even with those, the bigger ache was the truth that God allowed this to happen.  Since we believe that God could have intervened by preventing or correcting problems with the baby’s development, how are we going to respond that He chose not to?

In my shock and numbness, I went to see my counselor who has supported me through the three bouts of major depression I experienced in my twenties.  I talked about what I was thinking, my challenge to understand it and my fear that this would send me into another bout of depression.

However as I talked to her, I couldn’t help but recall so many of the amazing things God has done in my sweet family and me.  I was so aware of God’s grace and mercy, in big and small ways, in my life over the years.  Why did He choose to help my husband and me break free from some of the unhealthy and destructive patterns that have plagued our families for generations?

I knew I was blessed beyond measure by His goodness and love even if I wasn’t able to “feel” it at the moment.  I knew what the Scriptures said about God’s nature, and if I personally knew Him to be loving and gracious up until this point, how could I accept any conclusion contrary to this now?

Despite my pain and lack of understanding, I chose to focus on what I did (and do) understand.

  • We live in a world that has been completely affected by sin which causes death.  We were never intended to die or experience death, as God is the giver of life.  (Genesis 3:17; Romans 5:12; 8:19-22)
  • God is good and never forsakes His children whom He loves with an everlasting love.  (1 John 4:8,16; 2 Corinthians 13:11)
  • God is faithful (1 Thessalonians 5:24; 1 Corinthians 1:9; 2 Timothy 2:13)
  • God is unchanging (James 1:17; Psalm 102:26-27; Malachi 3:6)
  • God redeems our suffering for our good. (Romans 5:3-5; Romans 8:28)

So I believe that God shares our grief for the loss of our baby, because it was not what He intended, but a result of the fallen world in which we live.  While He could have intervened to prevent this outcome, He chose to let things happen naturally.  In some way, this was a loving act towards us, His beloved children. (Honestly, I would rather lose a baby at 10 weeks than even later in my pregnancy or after birth.)

While I would never have chosen to go through this, I can already see how I have grown closer to the Lord and the hope I have gained.  I also have the ability to come alongside others who have suffered a miscarriage with great empathy and have already done so.

Even in the painful moments that periodically arise, when I am sad and mourning the loss of our baby and shattered dreams, I choose to trust my loving Heavenly Father.  It requires faith, but I don’t know any other way.

Pressing on,

Lynn

 

Filed Under: Depression, Encouragement, God's presence, Gratitude, Grief, growth, Hope Tagged With: , , , , ,

Inauguration Day

August 28, 2011 By 1 Comment

Every detail of all my children’s births is a tattoo on my subconscious – clearer, even, than those of my wedding day.  Noah’s, as the first, was particularly noteworthy, but for reasons different than the others. My labor was protracted – 36 hours. I pushed for four and a half. Yes, you read that right. PUSHED. I remember halfway through asking the head nurse what the hospital record was, and she answered “five.” I joked I’d beat it, but eventually came in second.  Noah was very large, and was very caught in my pelvis. A frenzied team of doctors and nurses unsuccessfully camouflaged their panic as I buried by head in my sternum and prayed my son would come out alive, unbroken, and perfect. And he was. But not in the way I had anticipated. It seems the Lord and I had differing opinions on what constitutes “perfect.” Shoulder dystocia and a severe case of jaundice have been posited by our neurologist as potential causes for Noah’s autism. Enter the monster of guilt. Why didn’t I push for a c-section? Why didn’t I request an induction when I was ten days post-term?

But guilt is the trick of that ravenous lion bent on our destruction (I Peter 5:8). Unless we have sinned, whoever does it prosper to feel guilty?  What I have learned over the past few years with Noah is that there was no mistake – human or divine – in my inauguration into motherhood on that summer day. My husband and I had been elected to be the guardians of a child who is different from “typical” children. I now view Noah’s very existence as a vote of confidence from the Lord – His implicit trust in our ability to handle someone who, because of his developmental disability, can be both baffling and challenging. Don’t misunderstand me. I have my “why me” moments as I’m sure so many other parents of autistic children have. I often doubt I can handle it another day. But then I see the Lord in Noah, and am reminded of his perfection, and of the privilege of my inauguration.

~ Sarah

Filed Under: Asperger, grace, Journey Tagged With: , ,

Sometimes we fight

August 27, 2011 By 1 Comment

I don’t know about you but sometimes we fight.  This was a new thing for me because my parents never fought.  Rarely did they even raise their voices.  But sometimes my husband and I fight.

We have been married 20 years this coming December.  We have been through law school, unemployment, cancer, our son’s early illness, diagnosis, and ongoing treatment, IEPs that would make your hair curl, and most every other kind of stress a  union of one man and one woman can endure.  We have learned to live together in mostly unity through all of that.  We are pretty different and when we are working well together we are a killer team.

But still, sometimes we fight.

I hate that.

It normally comes after a long day of the many stresses in our world.

And I am reminded this morning of the admonition in Ephesians 4: 29-31:

29 Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. 30 Do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.  32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.

So I pray for my marriage and for yours.  That we would be Spirit-controlled, walk in unity, work out our differences, find grace and humor in each day, lean hard on the Father, and be a ready representation of Christ and His bride.

~ Shannon

Filed Under: Marriage Tagged With:

Sea Sick

August 26, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Our pastor did a 3 week series on Jonah, right before we spent our vacation at the ocean. So it was inevitable, when we got caught out in a little boat, with a huge storm between us and land-ho, we bantered about someone needing to confess their sin. Even without stormy waves, two of us survived the week only by taking daily doses of Dramamine. I could be the rep for that company, because at the moment, NO one is likely to be more grateful than I am for NOT being sea-sick. I thank Jesus, the Ultimate Chemist, for revealing that formula to man!

Now, you’d think it’d be easier to not sin on vacation. No work, all play (not that ANY vacation is “all play” for the mama.) I guess that’s possible, somewhere in the universe, but our family happens to have RELATIONSHIPS. Mix that together with hidden disabilities, and it was banana-slipping-peal easy for me to slide neck deep into a pit of anxiety about whether we will all make it through this life TOGETHER,  because of this little challenge of being a family with not-so-hidden disabilities.  My own emotions made me sea-sick, and where’s the Dramamine for that??

In Hebrews 4:15-16.

God had to push/cram those verses through my tight anxious emotions, to remind me I DO have a High Priest, Jesus, who sympathizes with my sea sickness. He’s not disappointed in me, He’s not discouraged. He KNOWS how my own sin of unbelief and the complications of hidden disabilities rock my boat. It’s  a mystery to me – how does Jesus know what it’s like to be emotionally, relationally seasick?? But then, I think, every single relationship He experienced had a hidden disability from HIS perspective, because “all things are open and laid bare to the eyes of Him with whom we have to do.” Heb 4:13 He had to feel nauseated, immersed in our endless waves of sin sickness. He was tempted like me (to despair, to frustration, to hopelessness) but He did NOT sin! … so run, girl, run on your little wobbly legs to His throne (all powerful) of grace and find all the mercy and grace to help in time of need. Yes, it was v-a-c-a-t-i-o-n, but I was in N-E-E-D. I kept humming, “not my brother, not my sister, but it’s ME, Oh Lord! standing in the need of prayer….”

Thankful for the dry land of His Word,

Joan

 

Filed Under: Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, Confession, Encouragement, Extended family, General, God's presence, grace, mental illness, Parenting, vacation Tagged With: , , , , , , , , , ,

HOME – It feels so good

August 25, 2011 By Leave a Comment

I so appreciate recent opportunities I’ve had to get away from home. I can still remember when I brought Owen home from the hospital. I had two children by then and no longer worked outside of the home. That first winter after Owen was born I remember lamenting to my husband, “It’s been three days since I’ve left this house!”

My firstborn is more of the reserved type, and loves being home. It keeps him grounded. I’ve realized I am the same way. By the time I was staying home with our third child, I was giddily thinking to myself this past winter, “How wonderful, I haven’t left this house in four days!” Oh how perspective changes.

The same holds true when I am able to take time away and leave home. I’ve recently been gone from home for three separate trips: one with spouse, one with my scrapbooking friends, and one with our kids and extended family. Each trip was wonderful and a blessing. But each trip with a very short span of time in between to be at home, left me longing to just get back home. HOME – it just feels so good. So often it holds true that to truly appreciate something, we need to experience going without it. I can only begin to imagine the splendor heaven will be. Our one, true, forever home – as good as being here in my earthly home feels – wow.

Kara

I would not have enjoyed this sunset view, nor had the time to reflect on it, if I hadn't left home. There are blessings in being gone from home, and those that come only from being home.

 

Filed Under: Encouragement, Gratitude, Home Tagged With: , ,

On Earthquakes

August 24, 2011 By 2 Comments

One of the greatest difficulties for people with epilepsy (and their families) is the profound instability that seizures can cause in daily life.

I’ve heard seizures referred to as “a storm in the brain.”  I think an earthquake is a better analogy.

Those of us who live on the East Coast experienced our first large earthquake on Tuesday.  I live just outside of DC.  I’ve never really experienced an earthquake before.  It was unexpected.  It was frightening.  It took a long time for me to realize what was happening.  When I did realize what was going on, my heart was racing and I was shaking a bit.

 

Psalm 46:1 – 2

God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea….

My husband experiences something like a personal earthquake every time he has a seizure.  Some seizures are large, some are small … but they always strike with minimal warning, impact his ability to think and drain his energy for the rest of the day.

Lately, Ben has been having about 3 small seizures per week.  I cannot imagine what it is like for him to know that at any moment his brain can effectively betray him and take over.  The seizures last less than 30 seconds.  But for Ben, it’s 30 seconds of an earthquake in his brain followed by an afternoon of exhaustion and fear, not knowing when or where the next one will take place.

I have a bad day when Ben has a seizure.  My heart aches with sorrow.  Sometimes it also races with fear.  I am Ben’s caregiver.  But I am also his wife.  When he hurts, I hurt.  When he suffers, I suffer.  I do not always know how to separate my emotions from his physical state (that’s a subject for an entire post!).

One thing I cling to is that even when our lives are filled with instability, God is faithful! How thankful I am that we are not left alone with the earthquakes and the seizures of life.  Rather, we can focus on our God in heaven to help us when the earthquakes hit.

Isaiah 33:5 – 6

5 The Lord is exalted, for he dwells on high;
he will fill Zion with justice and righteousness,
6 and he will be the stability of your times,
abundance of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge;
the fear of the Lord is Zion’s treasure.

~ Nancy

Filed Under: Epilepsy, God's presence Tagged With: ,

Homework Struggles

August 23, 2011 By 1 Comment

I was working on another post for this week, but am putting it aside to share a struggle that is going on right now. My kids are in their second full week of school and classes are just starting to get in gear with homework. Stephen is in the ninth grade this year and is a bit nervous about starting high school. We met with Stephen’s teachers informally last week and felt really good about the meeting. They were very attentive as we described Stephen’s strengths and weaknesses. We were familiar with most of them from our older son and praised them for the work they do. My husband and I both left the meeting feeling very optimistic about the upcoming year.

Today Stephen asked me to help him with his English homework. I will tell you that English is the least favored subject of most, if not all, of my children. When I heard that the subject of the assignment was a summer reading book I had to tell him I wouldn’t be able to help because I hadn’t read the book. He struggled with the assignment for an hour before he came to me (approaching his bedtime) and said he couldn’t do it. I looked at the assignment and felt so sorry for him. It was a hard assignment—at least it looked hard to me, someone who hadn’t read the book. He was to find quotes and say what they said about the character’s character traits then come up with a symbol he could illustrate which would help define the character.

When I suggested to Stephen was that he tell his teacher he is having difficulty with the assignment he said he didn’t want to be embarrassed. When I told him to ask in private he said he didn’t want to be embarrassed in front of the teacher. Moments like this break my heart for him. It isn’t that Stephen doesn’t want to do the work. He does. It isn’t that he didn’t read and understand the book. He did. It isn’t that he is lazy. He already spent an hour pouring over this assignment with no progress to show for it. The problem is that he can’t always process the information that is presented in the same way that neuro-typical kids do. And so begins a new school year…

My constant battle is to let Stephen struggle enough to teach him that life isn’t going to be easy; to let him learn to solve his own problems, because he needs to learn that he CAN do it; to let him see that although we love him we aren’t always going to be able to take his pain away. While all of those things are important, I suppose the main goal of my parenting years should be to teach him that God is with him, loves him and has a wonderful plan for his life—including his hidden disability.

My prayer for this moment: Lord, help me not to focus on the day to day struggles with homework but instead to teach Stephen to depend on you to give him clarity of thought and make him a wise manager of his time.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. -Jeremiah 29:11

~Louise

 

Filed Under: Asperger, God's presence, Parenting, school Tagged With: , , ,

IEP FAILURE!

August 22, 2011 By 3 Comments

Last year, our sweet G-man started Kindergarten. What a big year for us!  October of last year was also when we got our Tourette diagnosis.

Being the strong, advocating, proactive parents we were, we immediately met with G’s teacher, and the Developmental Specialist of the school. Although G wasn’t having any “trouble” per se in school, she urged us to go ahead and jump on the IEP process, getting a safety net in place for him should trouble arise. I thought this sounded like a fabulous plan, so I started jumping through the hoops of obtaining the necessities for the process. I obtained a letter of diagnosis from G’s diagnosing Neurologist and pranced back to school. PIECE of CAKE!  I had read so many horror stories of the IEP process, about uncooperative school personnel and school districts and endless denials and appeals. This was going well and I was feeling good.

Then the trouble began.

My letter wasn’t adequate, said the Developmental Specialist. It only named his diagnosis, not the “issues” he had.  But wait….. we just discussed that he hadn’t had any real trouble yet … (in Kindergarten, no trouble arose because his teacher allowed him to spend unlimited time sharpening the classroom pencils and sorting them, point down, with exactly 10 pencils in each of the 6 containers …. but that’s a WHOLE different post)….

I digress.

So I trek to a Child Psychologist, with whom I waited for about 4 weeks to get an appointment. G-man performed beautifully in his interview, earning himself a hefty diagnosis of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, which often accompanies Tourette Syndrome. And I earned myself a hefty four page letter spelling out every single complication with school that G-man might EVER have until college. Into the school I marched, triumphant as ever.  THIS was the ticket. It was a little harder than I originally thought, but we were on our way!  The Developmental Specialist glanced over the letter, and VOILA!  It was golden. So the next step is to hand it over to the principal to continue the process.

At this point, it’s Christmas break, so we had a bit of an interruption.

January ….

February ….

I never heard a peep back. SO, at the beginning of March I approached them again. It’s spring, we all have a fresh perspective. And we are still waiting on the principal to look it over.  After three face to face visits in a three week period, I get my call from the principal.  She will address it FIRST thing after spring break.

~~ big deep cleansing breath~~

And finally, the day comes. She calls. She leaves me a message. I return the call, only to hear that there is NO reason in the world to LABEL our G-man. He’s brilliant, he’s having NO trouble, there are NO COMPLAINTS from teachers, WHY would we want to put something in place that will follow him until he graduates high school, when this might NEVER even become an issue?  Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder doesn’t even qualify for IEP coverage (skimming over that minor little  TOURETTE diagnosis).

And at this point, we are in the last week of school, and I can clearly see now it’s a much larger uphill fight than I ever thought. So add me to the list of  those people who the IEP process has failed, at least on the first attempt. Perhaps I could’ve been a stronger, in their face type of advocate from the beginning … but my child has to walk these halls for the next 5 years, as well as his two siblings right behind him.  I have read ALL the legislation pertaining to IEP and Tourettes, and exactly how and why it qualifies.

So now, we have a brand new school year beginning. Where do I go from here?

Deciding my next move,

Cape Wearing Mommy

Filed Under: IEP, Journey, OCD, Parenting, Tourette Syndrome Tagged With: , , , ,

God Keeps His Promises

August 20, 2011 By 2 Comments

Now it is God who makes both us (Paul, Silas & Timothy) and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.
2 Corinthians 1:21-22

I am finally ready to share about a very painful experience my family and I went through recently. It is not an easy story to tell, but woven in the details and pain, has been and continues to be, a very loving and gracious God who has taught us in a deeper way what it means that He is Immanuel, “God with us.”

********************

When I suspected I was pregnant with our third child, I was shocked since I had finally just convinced my husband that we were done having children: blessed with our daughter (4) and son (1). Although we had always wanted three children, the challenges associated with Gracie’s sensory processing disorder (SPD) helped to change my mind.

It took a week of panic and prayer to work through my fears until we took the test confirming my pregnancy. With my anxiety under control (for the time being at least!) I became very, very excited.

It was then I recalled what the Lord had spoken to my husband during his devotions about two months prior. He told my husband that we were going to go through a trial but to “fear not because I will get you through it.” Trent was pretty sure the trial had to do with one of our kids. I panicked because I figured a trial with Gracie or Ben that necessitated a prior warning and extra assurance could not be good. I wrestled with the Lord about this for three days until I found peace that whatever happened, He promised to get us through it. After all, these were his children, not mine, with which we had been entrusted.

With a new child in the picture, we wondered if the trial could be with the one in my womb after we realized this was spoken only two weeks before the baby was conceived. But we had such an overwhelming sense that this baby was a special gift from God since we were actively taking measures to prevent another pregnancy. I remember telling Trent that “I don’t think I could handle it if something happened to this baby. I want this baby.”

I continued to experience ‘all day’ sickness and the extreme fatigue associated with pregnancy. My first doctor’s appointment went well. I heard the heartbeat; such a precious sound of life and was even able to get an ultrasound picture of our little ‘lima bean’ to confirm the due date.

Our excitement grew as I envisioned our family of five. I no longer viewed Ben as the youngest child, but as a great big brother. I was excited and we started talking about names and the future.

Two weeks later, Gracie prayed to receive Jesus and forgiveness for her sin. I was caught off guard as a normal spiritual conversation ended with her praying a beautiful prayer thanking Jesus for what He did on the cross. We immediately saw evidence of the Holy Spirit in her life and rejoiced over her new life in Christ.

THEN…. exactly one week later, I woke up to some slight spotting and of course feared the worst, since I had never experienced that with my other two pregnancies. While not necessarily bad, my fears did come true. I miscarried late that evening and ended up in the ER.

It was one of the worst experiences of my life so far.

I know many of you have experienced a miscarriage since about 20% of all pregnancies end this way. It was scary and in the middle of it, I once again recalled the warning the Lord had given my husband. I asked Trent to repeat exactly what the Lord had spoken to him. “Fear not because He will get us through it.” We both wept.

Once the physical process of the miscarriage was over, we immediately dreaded telling our daughter who was the most excited for this baby. We prayed that the Lord would go before us and prepare her heart for the news our baby was now with Jesus.

When she woke up the next morning, we told her the news. She was quiet and asked a few questions. It went better than we expected and we thanked the Lord.

The next day, out of the blue, she said, “I’m sure our baby was a girl and that she’s having fun with Jesus and he’s taking good care of her. We don’t have to be sad, we can ask God to tell her she has a family here who loves her.”

I cried in disbelief that our 4 year old could share such a comforting and profoundly true word with us. Even as I write now, two months later, I am just as amazed by her words.

Because of my history with depression, I began taking an antidepressant the day after my miscarriage, since I was off it while pregnant. It took a full four weeks to regain my physical strength and begin to truly grasp all that happened.

Grief is definitely a process, but we grieve with hope, hope of one day being reunited with the precious little one we will not meet here on earth.

God kept his word; He is getting us through and offers you the same promise. No matter what you are facing today, “fear not” because He will get YOU through it.

~Lynn

Filed Under: Depression, Encouragement, God's presence, grace, Grief, Hope, Prayer Tagged With: , , , , ,
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