This week, life is both ebbing and flowing.
I am determined to respond better to my circumstances. I have put some restrictions in place on my eating, which had gotten out of control with all of my business travel and stress of life. I am waking early to pray and I am inviting others into my life to actively pray with me. I have started taking walks in this beautiful weather we’ve been having.
I suppose this is the “flow” portion of my life. On the “ebbing…”
Things with Ben’s health took a turn for the worse this weekend. I was in DC for a 5 day conference. My father took my children and Ben was home alone. This is the first time we’ve tried this arrangement during my travels. During the weekend, Ben played two concerts with the Maryland Symphony — work that he absolutely loves and is so thankful to be able to do. He also experienced at least 9 seizures, if not more.
So life ebbs and flows. After speaking with Ben and realizing how quickly his health had deteriorated, I was aware of how desperately I wanted to turn to food. I didn’t. First I tried to focus on work. Then I tried to turn to God. Finally, at night as I lay down to sleep, the tears came fast and quick and unbidden. I didn’t want to weep. But the release of tears frees me to pray more.
Another challenging issue facing me is that I need to make new arrangements for my children for after-school. Ben needs to sleep in the afternoons, and I don’t like my kids coming home to an “empty” house. One of my children is failing math because Mom hasn’t been with him after school to supervise homework. This is a bright child who is always responsible; but his lack of understanding has snowballed each week and he hasn’t wanted anyone to know how lost he is feeling in class so he hasn’t asked for help. Now I need to find a tutor who can help get him back on grade level.
Ebb and flow.
How thankful I am for Hebrews 6:19, We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain.
Ebb and flow. But not for our God.
Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.