Today I told the kids that they could eat whatever they want and watch TV as much as they want all day long without asking me for permission.
I lost it today. Repeatedly.
I spilled something on the kitchen floor, and then instead of cleaning it up, in a childlike fit of anger I grabbed an open bag of crackers and crumbled them on top of the mess that was already there. At this point, my children noticed and came over. “Mom, what are you DOING?” They asked in alarm. “I’m making a mess,” I calmly told them. My sensitive child began to cry. They knew that my behavior was not rational even if my voice was calm and measured. “Why are you doing this, Mom? Stop!.” “I like to clean,” I told my kids as I gave them each a hug. “Cleaning helps calm me down. So I’m making a small mess so I can have something to clean. Then I’ll feel better.” This seemed to pacify both me and the kids, and I did feel better after cleaning the floor.
What does it look like when you lose it?
I am single-parenting a lot lately, which is exhausting as I need to manage my husband from afar and handle my own work load and my three children. I go on two trips for work next week. I asked my family to step up and help, but the truth is that they often look to me for every decision they are making which is really not the kind of help that I need.
Is it OK to want someone else to take over for me? To make my decisions and just HELP?
I suppose these days are OK in moderation.
A friend sent me a much-needed email with portions of Psalm 73. How timely:
Nevertheless, I am continually with you;
you hold my right hand.
You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will receive me to glory.
Whom have I in heaven but you?
And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.
For behold, those who are far from you shall perish;
you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you.
But for me it is good to be near God;
I have made the Lord GOD my refuge,
that I may tell of all your works.
(Psalm 73:23-28 ESV)
I will close this weary post not with the wonderful Scripture above, but with my new favorite cookie recipe, from Joanne Fluke’s book “Devil’s Food Cake Murder.” Scripture is life. But these cookies … well, if Scripture had flavor and texture, these might be close. Don’t let the absence of chocolate fool you, they are truly wonderful.
Raspberry Vinegar Cookies
Yields 3 dozen
1 cup butter, softened
1 cup sugar
1 tsp raspberry vinegar
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp rum extract
1 1/2 cup flour
1 cup chopped almonds (or other nuts)