“You number my wanderings;”
I wonder which number I am on, God … 140? or more like 2,589,380? Why number them?
“put my tears into Your bottle …” Psalm 56:8
Do You have separate bottles for each cause of my tears?
If so, one is definitely labeled Sibling Sorrows. It should be about full by now, holding my tears for the sorrow I feel whenever I watch pain between my children.
We have amazing children. We don’t deserve them, and can’t thank God enough for their lives. Personally, I admire how they valiantly wade through life muddied by hidden disabilities without giving up. Just this spring they proved themselves again, as young adults, playing crucial roles on the search and rescue team for my husband’s lost mind. I wish you knew them. (If you’re reading this site, then you know something of what they have weathered.)
But they are human too. And you better believe this journey has wounded them. Some of the defenses they formed, against their confusion and pain, has caused and continues to cause pain to each other. It hurts me to witness it. When they were young, many times I should’ve intervened long before I did. Now I want to fix it (of course) but can’t. Jesus has brought us a long way, but we’ve far to go. I want each one to really BE there for each other (in healthy ways) so they can experience family the way they deeply long for, and God intended … but
anger at the injustices,
confusion about the causes,
mistrust and fear of speaking up,
disappointments over dashed dreams,
pain seeking a blame,
shame and sins …
all these can trigger them. Then, like an armed heat seeking missile with no target to lock on, the closest target within range often is a………SIBLING, who is dealing with their own pain, and cannot absorb more.
Some don’t rant and rave. They retreat … hiding way inside themselves (or others) seeking safety, til there’s no finding them. I miss them, when they do that.
When I cry out to You
THEN my enemies will turn back,
This I know because
God is FOR me.
As for me, I will call upon God, and the LORD shall save me.
Evening and morning and at noon I will pray,
and cry aloud,
He shall hear my voice.
Just had a comforting thought … (thankyou, Father).
Jesus is also their sibling. So technically, spiritually and family-wise (stick with me here) it’s our kids plus one more. Jesus shoulders being Firstborn for my firstborn, He’s the I’ll-defend-you Brother, their enthusiastic-I-want-to-spend-time-with-you-sibling. AND He is completely healthy emotionally and spiritually — so He can take whatever they give Him without hurting them in return. In short, He is everything they can’t find in each other. He’s the perfect brother, who can and will always show up (no excuses), invest (no matter the cost), listen (with undivided attention), inspire (by example), be patient and kind (in attitude and word), pour life giving words into them when they lose hope, serve (their smallest needs) — and do it all because He is so overwhelmed with LOVE for them (not because He must)….
Thankyou, Jesus. We really need You.