But sometimes the level of emotional volume in our home is just overwhelming. It is loud. It is hair trigger. There is no letting go of the little things. My goodness… there ARE no little things. Every issue is a mountain. Sometimes I wish for a few mole hills.
Sometimes I long for a “normal” family – whatever that means. You know the kind. The ones who sit quietly in a restaurant, napkins in their laps, having polite conversation. Or how about the ones who cheer for each other at various sports events? What about those who attend band concerts or ballet or drama?
No, our drama is way louder and more, well, more dramatic.
And it is emotionally exhausting.
I find myself sometimes wishing time away and I know that is not a wise response. I try to tell myself that I will miss these days. But will I? Will I miss the drama and the loudness and the hair trigger?
Somehow I don’t think so.
It affects the entire family dynamic. And I don’t know how to change that.
Then an hour passes and a boy/man embraces and apologizes.
How can we come to the place of catching it BEFORE the drama? Is that ever going to be possible?
I find myself needing a vacation. And when does that ever happen? I want family time… but what I WANT family time to be… what I WISH family time was. Not what it is. Because what it is is exhausting and draining.
I am not sure of the answers. I tell myself to find rest in the Lord. What would HE do in the midst of the drama? Certainly He is here too. But sometimes I find it hard to hear His still, small voice.
I know it must be there but it can get lost in the deafening noise.
And then this morning when I awoke in the quiet, I heard this in my heart:
1 God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change And though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea;
3 Though its waters roar and foam, Though the mountains quake at its swelling pride. Selah.
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, The holy dwelling places of the Most High.
5 God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved; God will help her when morning dawns.
6 The nations made an uproar, the kingdoms tottered; He raised His voice, the earth melted.
7 The Lord of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah.8 Come, behold the works of the Lord, Who has wrought desolations in the earth.
9 He makes wars to cease to the end of the earth; He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two;
He burns the chariots with fire.
10 “Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
11 The Lord of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah.Psalm 46
God, I need to hear you in the deafening roar. Quiet me. Calm me. You are my refuge and strength. You are my present help in trouble. You are my stronghold. I need to hear your voice.