Chosen Families

When I was a mother of a young child working at a preschool I was stunned to see in person how cruel three year old children could be to one another. Two little girls were playing together and not allowing a third girl to join in. They ran away singing “nah, nah, nah, boo, boo, you can’t catch us” as the unwelcome follower cried running along behind. It was heartbreaking to witness. I was so impacted that my children were forever forbidden from singing that little chant under any circumstances…ever (perhaps an overreaction, but it really left an impression on me.)

As my children have grown up I have tried to teach them to be sensitive about their use of words. Words have meanings and we sometimes use them carelessly and in doing so offend people needlessly. Such was the case recently when an author and radio personality used the word “retard” to refer to someone she disagreed with politically. Many times I hear people (of all ages) use that word in a negative or joking manner to refer to someone or their behavior. It is up to us as parents and advocates for those with hidden disabilities (who are many times referred to as “retards” by uninformed people regardless of their intellectual capacity or diagnosis) to take a stand and let our society know that it isn’t okay to callously use this word as an insult or joke.

As we educate and inform our friends and families about hidden disabilities, let’s go a little further and correct the misconception that using a word like “retard” in a joking or insulting manner is acceptable. It is no more acceptable in that regard than any of the words we have barred from general use referring to one’s racial heritage, religious affiliation or physical disabilities. Let us make good use of our words and honor God as we do.

“Therefore exhort one another, and build each other up,…” I Thess. 5:11

~Louise

Fall PSAT testing is over and as usual Stephen ran out of time on every section. It doesn’t bother him much because he knows it is really just for practice at this point. He has taken the test every year since 8^th grade so that he would feel more comfortable with the test taking process. Every year he has run out of time. Next year in 11^th grade his scores will be important.

At the recommendation of a friend we have started looking into what sort of accommodations are offered for students with disabilities when taking college entrance tests. The College Board administers the PSAT, SAT, and AP tests, among others, so their website is where I started. Many times these tests are administered at school and other than being asked to send in money for the tests, parents are relatively uninvolved in the process.

Our plan is to make sure that all of our records are up to date, make sure we have all of the documentation required and submit everything early enough that we have time to resubmit if there is any problem.  We will be working through our school guidance counselor because the school has a very thorough record of the ongoing accommodations that have been made for Stephen since his diagnosis.

If your child is on the Autism Spectrum or has other disabilities, and he or she needs extra time in testing situations at school, especially standardized testing, perhaps you would like to consider applying for extra time to be given on the PSAT or SAT test. If this is something that you are interested in looking into, there is information on the College Board website about Autism Spectrum Disorders , as well as other disabilities and the process of applying for accommodations.

~Louise

I was caught a little off guard when my son wanted to talk. I shouldn’t have been because it was that usual time of night when I am having thoughts of snuggling up in my bed, but my children have other things in mind. It is a sweet time when they tend to be very open and want to communicate with me, and I have to admit I wish it could happen a few hours earlier in the day…

Nonetheless he wanted to talk, so talk we did. For quite a while we talked. Until finally, he got up the nerve to say what it was he wanted to talk about—the issue was dating. He wanted to know how it was going to work when he starts dating. He had questions about money and very practical things. But he has left me thinking long and hard about how I am going to handle the emotional aspects of dating when the time comes.

Our son is fifteen and a half years old. He has Asperger’s Syndrome. As much as a neurotypical male is at a disadvantage in understanding the female psyche, our son is even more so. As he is wondering how he will earn enough money to take a girl to a movie or dinner, I am wondering how we are going to help our son guard his heart and understand that every interaction he has with a young lady must be God-honoring and respectful.

As I think of the things that are real strengths in my son, I also see where they could be the source of a lot of heartache and angst in this foray into the realm of relationships. He is loyal. He is loving. He can be sensitive and sweet. He does not understand manipulation—it isn’t his modus operandi and he doesn’t anticipate it in others.

So, now begins this mother’s prayer in even more earnest than ever before. My prayer is that God will prepare the heart of the young lady who will capture the heart of my son. First, give her a heart for God. Then, give her a kind and tender spirit that recognizes and understands that God has made my son uniquely who he is for a purpose.

~Louise