You are here: Home / Faith

Spinning Out of Control

March 9, 2013 By Leave a Comment

I have a friend on Facebook who plays games quite often. He & his wife share the account, so I find it funny when he plays games and I see several notifications that “she” is “spinning out of control…” again. Have you ever felt like that? It’s what I call the “stop this ride; I want to get off” sense of panic. Ever get the feeling that life is just too overwhelming and you simply can’t keep up with it?

A week or two ago, this was how I felt when I had so many questions and concerns about my daughter, myself, and my family in general. It was too much for me and it was all beyond my control. The very next day, a relative of mine had that same sense of anxiety in his voice; questions about a big move, a job that wasn’t what he expected, and what the future held. When looking at him, I saw myself more clearly. I had greater understanding for him and understood how he must have felt.

That’s why my thoughts of late have been about “control” or our “lack thereof.” Do any of us really know what tomorrow will bring? Of course not; but we know the One Who knows.

“Behold, I am the Lord, the God of all flesh: is there anything too hard for me?” (Jeremiah 32:27)

It may be too hard for us, but never for Him.

I mean, honestly, if God can create the heavens, the earth, and all that is in them, why do we think WE must be in control of things? Can we compete with God? Are we simply impatient, like the Israelites after they left Egypt?

We can easily find fault in the Israelites for whining and complaining so often, after God continually provided for them miracle by miracle. We have their story recorded in the Bible. Yet, consider how you would feel if you left behind the only life you knew to follow a path totally unknown to you.

Isn’t that the sort of thing that our kids with hidden disabilities face so often? They are anxious because they have “no control” over what may happen next. Their fears drive them to compulsions (those with OCD, like Flory) just so they THINK they have control over SOMETHING; only to find IT has control over them. It’s a vicious cycle.

To truly help them, besides medications and therapies, don’t we need to live the truth in front of them? Are we prepared to face the unknown with faith in the One Who is unseen? As parents and loved ones of these precious family members, I think we owe it to them (as well as to ourselves) to “let go” and realize that we must live by faith and trust; that we must cling to the Word God has given us and the times we know He has shown His personal love.

“Take therefore no thought for the morrow; for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.” (Matthew 6:34)

I also like to remember the old saying, “Don’t borrow trouble.”

“Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore, ye are of more value than many sparrows.” (Matthew 10: 29-31)

To sum up my thoughts (and to avoid using the bazillion wonderful verses I also found), I’ll leave you with this verse: “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee; because he trusteth in thee.” (Isaiah 26:3 – taped to my computer, lest I forget.)

Blessings,

Grace

Filed Under: Anxiety, Direction, Encouragement, Faith, OCD, Provision, Trust Tagged With: , , ,

Updates . . .

January 2, 2013 By 2 Comments

Forgive me for taking so long to write. The past 6 months have been months of searching, seeking, changes, and at times overwhelming. God is faithful and I can’t even begin to imagine going through life without Him. Thank you, Lord, that You will never leave me or forsake me.

Now for the updates . . . First, my son (who has schizoaffective disorder) has a new psychiatrist closer to home which is a HUGE blessing! Since his last psychiatrist retired, he was going to have to see a nurse practitioner if he stayed at that same office. I have nothing at all against nurse practitioners; However, I felt with my son’s illness he needed to be under a psychiatrist’s care at all times since he has come so far yet still is having problems with finding the right combination of medications.

I saw an article in the newspaper about a new psychiatrist moving to our area who was going to be taking new patients. Praise God for our Jehovah-Jireh, “The Lord will provide.” My son loves his new doctor, who by the way is very compassionate and empathetic (which many of you know is very, very hard to find!).  I am so thankful for him.

When I was struggling with the decision of changing jobs, it affected him more than I realized. We are now working with his meds because the job change I was making caused some symptoms of paranoia.  Weight gain from the meds has also been a major issue. I am thankful he takes his meds and wants to take his meds because he understands he would go into full blown psychoses if he didn’t, meaning he would think that cameras were all over the room watching him.  Before medication, he thought that everyone, even those on TV, knew all him about him and were talking about him — major paranoia with auditory hallucinations saying no one liked him.  I can’t begin to imagine what my son actually goes through every day even with his medication.  The stigma of “mental illness” doesn’t help at all.  I have realized that there will always be those who don’t understand and those who don’t want to understand but I know who does and I know that I can trust Him.

As I Corinthians 13:12 says: “For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.”

The next major change in our lives was I decided not to stay with the company I had been with for over 10 years so I am moving into a new territory so to speak with the new company I now work for.

Also concerning church, my son loves the new church we have been attending but my heart is still at my old church.   I am going with my son when he is able to go to “his church” and then have decided to go back to my church when I can. As I mentioned above, I know there will always be people who don’t understand my son’s illness, especially in the church, which has been a real struggle for me. I am finally getting that. It still hurts, though, knowing how my son has to deal with his very real illness along with death to the dreams he had of his life but I keep telling him God’s plans are a lot better than we could ever imagine and, we have to trust Him!  I just wish ”people” would put themselves in my son’s shoes but only God can change hearts.

Then I remember The Parable of the Good Samaritan in Luke 10:29-37: 29 — But he, desiring to justify himself, said to Jesus, “And who is my neighbor?” 30 Jesus replied, “A man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and he fell among robbers, who stripped him and beat him and departed, leaving him half dead. 31 Now by chance a priest was going down that road, and when he saw him he passed by on the other side. 32 So likewise a Levite, when he came to the place and saw him, passed by on the other side. 33 But a Samaritan, as he journeyed, came to where he was, and when he saw him, he had compassion. 34 He went to him and bound up his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he set him on his own animal and brought him to an inn and took care of him. 35 And the next day he took out two denarius and gave them to the innkeeper, saying, ‘Take care of him, and whatever more you spend, I will repay you when I come back.’ 36 Which of these three, do you think, proved to be a neighbor to the man who fell among the robbers?” 37 He said, “The one who showed him mercy.” And Jesus said to him, “You go, and do likewise.”

Mercy. Go and do likewise. I need mercy.   My son needs mercy.  We all need mercy.

I would like to end with an excerpt from the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.   She refers to a quote from Jean-Pierre de Caussade, in A Guide to Prayer for All God’s People,  Rueben Job and Norman Shawchuck, eds. (Nashville: Upper Room, 1990), 244:

“You would be very ashamed if you knew what the experiences you call setbacks, upheavals, pointless disturbances, and tedious annoyances really are. You would realize that your complaints about them are nothing more nor less than blasphemies – though that never occurs to you. Nothing happens to you except by the will of God, and yet [God's] beloved children curse it because they do not know it for what it is.”

As my pastor says, God is good ALL THE TIME!

Gabrielle~

Filed Under: Change, Faith, mental illness, schizoaffective disorder, Uncategorized

Saying Grace

November 22, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Today, I will bow my head over the largest meal of the year. A meal conceived from groceries that spilled from counters and tables onto the floor in their abundance. There will be turkey and mashed potatoes, cranberry sauce no one but my father eats, the wild rice casserole that is in the second generation of its iteration, and the din of barking dogs and kids asking if “they can be done yet.” It will be a big, fat, happy mess.

We have so much, our family. Even as we contemplate another series of complicated diagnoses for Noah’s brother, we are buried in abundance. We have great cause for Thanksgiving. We have been shown such grace.

“All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” (2 Corinthians 4:15-16) (NIV)

At some point, my mother will pass the blessing cup, and into it, we will each place a clove. The clove will represent our thanks for a particular blessing. One of us will give thanks for a job, one for health. Another will give thanks for the salvation of their children, for their spouse, for the safety and warmth that a home provides.

This year, I will give thanks for grace. After all, ‘tis grace that brought me safe thus far.

It is God’s grace that provided what can only be described as an “escape hatch” when certain financial death loomed on the horizon. His favor was apparent in Matt’s speedy recovery from a surgery warned to involve a difficult recovery. God’s leniency was apparent in the speeding ticket I might have received the other day when based on past…shall we say…motor vehicle “indiscretions,” I might have had my license suspended, instead. His favor: in the doctor’s appointment we got in less than a week, when we were originally told it would take months; in the money that shows up in the mail; in the promises of friends to help us pack and move an entire life during the dead of winter. There is more of this – so much more, that you’d never stay awake through the tryptophan to read it all.

“Only you,” they say of our family. We are the “skin-of-their-teeth”-ers.

Really, I think the Lord just prefers a bit of flourish with His grace. It’s often so apparent, all I can do is shake my head and laugh. When He knows I need the reassurance of His presence, I can practically feel His hand upon me. And I don’t deserve any of it. None of us do.

“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.” (Ephesians 2:8-9)

Which is why today, when I bow my head over a plate piled abundantly high, I will say – and give thanks for - grace.

~ Sarah

Filed Under: Blessing, Challenge, Faith, Family, God's presence, grace, Gratitude, Thanksgiving, Uncategorized

“God, How Could You?”: Choosing Lament or Grumbling

September 19, 2012 By 1 Comment

Last week, I watched a video featuring parents of disabled children giving advice to the parents of newly diagnosed children. While much of the video was encouraging, one father’s advice particularly disturbed me. This father warned that praying to the God who put you into this mess is futile.

Even though I wanted to dismiss his statement quickly, the frankness of his statement haunted me. Whether we like to admit it or not, in the midst of the turmoil and heartbreak, the sleepless nights and empty checking account, we’ve all wondered, “God, how could you?”

While some might disagree, I believe we shouldn’t be ashamed of such questions. The prayers of lament found in the Bible give us a model for handling anxiety and sorrow. For example, in Lamentations 3, the prophet accuses God of breaking his bones, attacking him like a bear or lion, and setting him up as the target for his arrows. How many times have you heard someone pray like that on Sunday morning? Yet, such words flow from the mouth of the prophet by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit.

But, you may ask, what makes lament different from the grumbling of Israel in the wilderness, which God condemns? The difference lies in the direction of the complaints. The prophet’s complaint leads him toward God. After saying in despair that hope is dead, he exclaims, “But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases” (Lam 3:21-22 ESV). The prophet did not list his complaints before God from a lack of faith in God. Rather, he sought to grapple with perceived inconsistency between the way things “should be” and reality; after engaging in this struggle, the prophet concluded that his initial viewpoint was not accurate. He had forgotten an important theological truth: God’s everlasting, promise-keeping, undeserved love. Remembering God’s promise-keeping love reoriented his outlook. However, the reorientation came through the process of lament.

The complaints of the wilderness generation, on the other hand, did not lead toward God. Rather, they led away from God causing them to replace God with an invented god. After the unfaithful generation dies, Moses warns their children, “Beware lest there be among you a man or woman or clan or tribe whose heart is turning away today from the LORD our God to go and serve the gods of those nations. Beware lest there be among you a root bearing poisonous and bitter fruit” (Deut 29:18). The author of Hebrews alludes to this verse when he warns, “See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no ‘root of bitterness’ springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled” (Heb 12:15).

When we endure difficulty, especially over a long period of time, bitterness toward God can spring up in our hearts. God has not turned out to be who we expected him to be, and in our disappointment and disillusionment we reject God and commit the same sin of idolatry as the wilderness generation.

As we deal with our disappointments, we must be careful to come to God in faith. In prayer we can empty ourselves of our complaints, allowing him to remind us of his lovingkindness, or we can choose the path of those whose corpses fell in the wilderness. Let us guard against an overgrowth of bitterness toward him in our hearts lest we shrink back from faith in him.

~ Joshua

Filed Under: Bible, Faith, Hope, Parenting, Prayer, Trust

The Savagery of Shark Week

August 13, 2012 By 2 Comments

As I sit here composing this entry, my son Fletcher and I are celebrating the Discovery Channel’s twenty-fifth year of Shark Week. For some reason, this is one of the few television programs that catch our little man’s attention. Go figure.  Some children are content with Barney or Veggie Tales, but not Fletch. Nothing less than a two ton shark propelling out of the water while chasing a terrified seal will do! The violence and single-mindedness of these Great White Sharks astounds me.

As I think about my son, I wonder why I do not chase the promises of God as ferociously as these sharks chase their prey. The sharks are simply doing what comes natural to them. As a child of the King, why then do I struggle to do what is supposed to come naturally to me? Perhaps, at the deepest level of my heart, I really don’t have trouble believing that the promises of God apply; they just don’t seem to apply to me.

Now that hurts to admit this shortcoming in such a public forum; but I feel that I am not the only one who struggles in this area. But as I watch these sharks more closely, I notice that once they lock in on their targets, tunnel vision consumes them. Nothing else matters except getting the seal. The shark doesn’t worry about teachers, IEP’s, church, or impending social situations; the shark focuses on the seal.

Maybe I can learn something from these creatures. Maybe I can learn to keep my focus on the object of my pursuit. The author of Hebrews encourages us to do that very thing:

[12:1] Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, [2] looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. (ESV)

The next time I am feeling a little down or frustrated because things haven’t turned out the way I had planned, I need to keep “looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of my faith.” The next time I get upset because people don’t understand, I must remember to ruthlessly clamp down on Jesus’ promises by sinking my spiritual teeth deeply into them. Only then will I truly be able to taste and see that the Lord is good (Ps 34:8)!

~ Todd

Filed Under: Blessing, Challenge, Confession, Contentment, Faith, growth, humility, IEP, Parenting, Provision, Trust, Uncategorized

An Encouraging Word

June 24, 2012 By Leave a Comment

These words from Isaiah embrace me and encourage me as the days speed along until my daughter turns twelve years old. As I look back on all her past birthdays, I am most impressed with God’s great faithfulness. I see His hand all over our family. I don’t know why. I don’t know why He loves us and chooses us to display His glory.

I’m just so thankful for His tangible-ness here this week. My girl is growing up. I know eventually, that means she’ll grow away from me, that she’ll leave the nest and either flounder or fly. Or both. What will I do when I can’t advocate for her anymore, when I’m not there to interpret the world to her—and explain her to the world?

I’ll rest in these words—this Word—Who promises stamina and help:

(From Isaiah 40)

27Jacob, why do you say,
and Israel, why do you assert:
“My way is hidden from the Lord,
and my claim is ignored by my God”?
28Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
Yahweh is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the whole earth.
He never grows faint or weary;
there is no limit to His understanding.
29He gives strength to the weary
and strengthens the powerless.
30Youths may faint and grow weary,
and young men stumble and fall,
31but those who trust in the Lord
will renew their strength;
they will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary;
they will walk and not faint.

Leaning on His Everlasting arms of grace and mercy,

Cassandra

 

Filed Under: Bible, Encouragement, Faith Tagged With: ,

Shaken

June 20, 2012 By 2 Comments

For thus says the Lord of host: Yet once more, in a little while, I will shake the heavens and the earth and the sea and the dry land. And I will shake all nations, so that the treasures of all nations shall come in, and I will fill this house with glory, says the Lord of hosts. Haggai 2: 6-7

See that you do not refuse him who is speaking. For if they did not escape when they refused him who warned them on earth, much less will we escape if we reject him who warns from heaven. At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, “Yet once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens.” This phrase, “Yet once more,” indicates the removal of things that are shaken – that is, things that have been made – in order that the things that cannot be shaken may remain. Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, for our God is a consuming fire. Hebrews 12:25-29.

As I mentioned last month I have two major decisions to make. Both of these situations came up the same week; both were unexpected. One pertains to my son’s psychiatrist, as the psychiatrist my son dearly loved retired, and the other pertains to my job, a scary decision for a single mom.

Concerning my son’s psychiatrist, at first we were going to go to someone closer to home but my son really wants to stay at the office where his retired psychiatrist worked.  They have other psychiatrists and nurse practitioners there so it won’t be such a drastic change.  Hopefully it will be an easier transition for him this way so for now we plan on staying there and seeing where the Lord leads.

Concerning my job change, I will know more about that in 2 to 3 weeks so please pray I make the right decision when the time comes. When this first came up I went through a roller coaster of emotions.   The Lord is shaking those things that have been made in order that the things that cannot be shaken may remain (Hebrews 12:27.) He wants me to know that He alone is my provider, protector, and deliverer. My trust is to be in Him and in Him alone.  Just as a wife looks to her husband as provider, I am to look to the Lord as my provider/protector, since He is my Husband.    I am excited to see what happens and I will share that with you the next time!

One more thing, the Lord has led us to an amazing church.  They love people, mental illness and all.  The Lord provided AGAIN.

Do not fear, only believe.  Mark 5:36

Lord Jesus, I believe.

Gabrielle ~

Filed Under: Change, Faith Tagged With: ,

Perfect Practice

June 1, 2012 By 1 Comment

I’ve been eating a bowl of cereal for breakfast since LBJ was in office. So when I tried to change my habit (for the sake of a first-diet-ever) I was shocked at the complete resistance of my entire mind/body/soul. Whoa. We’re just talking cereal here…

“The chains of habit are too weak to be felt until they are too strong to be broken.” Samuel  Johnson, 1709-1784

Amen to that.

An Olympic archer once told our teens, “It’s not true ‘practice makes perfect.’ Practice makes permanent. Perfect practice makes perfect.”

I have practiced some things til they are near perfect as well as permanent. And not all of them are good, let me tell you. You could start with some of my responses to the hidden disabilities in my life. I’m pretty sure that’s why God allowed the disabilities into my life in the first place – to help me agree with Him that yes, sir, I do sin.

Sooo, I wonder, given the strength of habit, what’s the mathematical chance of changing my sinful reaction to be anxious?  to fix my husband? to rescue my kids? to be independent from God? to name a few….

If you want a word picture, those doubts of God’s power to save me are multiple wet sandbags hanging heavily by ropes of habit onto my partially inflated balloon of faith…and if you’re looking for me, I am definitely in the basket, dragged along the rocky, bumpy ground, instead of lifting off to the sky. Bump, bump, BumPITY (self pity) BUMP….

What knife can cut me free to fly?

There is another way to ask this. When I am faced with something that is hard, confusing, hurtful, angering – which hidden disabilities often are – how long does it take me to run to Jesus?

Time me.

I can be like the kid in the Family Circus cartoon, with my tracks running up and down everything else on my way to the Throne.

I feel completely small, admitting this, given His perfect track record towards me. But today I reread Jesus’s temptations. Why did He disclose only 3 of them? Why those 3?  In my thinking, it was a perfect waste of time and ammo for Satan to attack Jesus with the temptation to fall down and worship him, in trade for a broken world.

But it comforts me today, as I realize God gave this temptation – to worship/seek/rely on something other than the LORD – a full one third of the airtime…not because His Son would fall for it, but because I would.

Decisively, Jesus replied, “Away with you, Satan! For it is WRITTEN, ‘You shall worship the LORD your God, and Him only you shall serve.”

And there’s my Knife – “it is written,” as in “the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two edged sword…able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12

Liftoff.

I want to practice running a perfectly straight line to His Word and His Throne, fast and first, to find help in time of need, which I have plenty of. And I want to perfectly believe every word God wrote.  Like Jesus did. I want to fly.

“Then the devil left him, and behold, angels came and ministered to Him.” Matt 4:8-11 ish

Yes, and I am all for sending those angels on down here to minister….

Cutting sandbags,

Joan

Filed Under: Anxiety, Bible, Confession, Faith Tagged With: