You are here: Home / FUN

Indelibly Marked

March 28, 2013 By Leave a Comment

I am sorry that it has been so long since I have posted a blog entry. Ministry, school, teaching, and family commitments have kept me from touching base for a while. In addition to my counseling ministry, I have now begun serving as a guest on a local Christian radio show where I discuss mental health issues in the church. On my first show, in the middle of one of my responses, I received a text message from a friend of mine named Aaron. (By the way, Aaron should have been called Barnabas for his continual encouragement since he showers me with it at every opportunity.)  If I recall the message it went something like this, “Cheer up, even though the host isn’t letting you talk, there are only three of us listening anyway!”

Oh, did I also mention that Aaron and his bride Susanne are the proud parents of three beautiful daughters (thank the Lord, they look like their mother) and that their youngest daughter has autism and is classmates with our son Fletcher? I bring this up to show that God often provides fellow travelers who come alongside us as we negotiate the unpredictable twists and turns presented to those blessed enough to have a child with a hidden disability. The scriptures say, “As iron sharpens iron, one man sharpens another,” and although our wives would agree that we’re both still pretty dull, I think that our weekly lunch meetings are producing spiritual growth in both of us.

In this sanctifying process, you might ask, “What deep theological truths related to autism are you guys discovering?” Well the topics vary, but you may hear something about Tennessee football, Wayne Grudem’s height, which of us would look the coolest with Puritan hair, fully-sanctified wives, or self-parenting children, but you won’t hear a whole lot about autism. Why? Because that is a subject that has so indelibly marked us that we usually find it is unnecessary to discuss; however, what you will find is a great deal of humor, fellowship, and laughing. As a result, the tone of our lunch meetings looks less like a pity party and more like a diner scene from Seinfeld.

Don’t misunderstand me. We talk a great deal about Sarah and Fletcher; but, we talk about them as people not diagnostic labels. As I think about these lunchtime conversations with Aaron, his sarcastic wit and dry humor remind me that Dads sporting these indelible marks are so much more than fathers of children with autism. These guys are administrators of God’s grace (1 Pet 4:10) used by God for our good and His glory as they walk alongside of fellow sufferers along a life path not of their choosing. What does this mean for those of you reading this post? It means this: do not isolate yourself; instead reach out to other parents of children with similar challenges. Ask God to use you to minister to them and I will guarantee you that you will end up being the one who feels blessed. And who knows, you may strike up a friendship with a Barnabas of your own!

~ Todd

Filed Under: Autism, Encouragement, Friends, FUN

Microwave Cinnamon Toast (a photo essay)

February 3, 2013 By Leave a Comment

Did you know that when you microwave a piece of bread that is buttered and sprinkled with cinnamon sugar,

it sticks to the plate—the plate that cracked in the cooking—and

it won’t fall off. So it really is worth the time to use the toaster oven,

if you want to actually eat your cinnamon toast.

Learning useful lessons every day,

Candi

Filed Under: FUN, Homeschool Tagged With:

Mommy needs a hobby…

November 15, 2012 By 1 Comment

I know how to treat myself, I just don’t do it very often. I’ve gone for coffee with a friend, when she asks me. I’ve gone out to an event with a neighbor, when she invited me. I’ve even holed up in a retreat house for a weekend and devoted myself to my family’s scrapbooks, when the log of pictures beckons me and I know I am WAY behind. Do you see a trend? I seem to either wait for others to call on me or my “hobbies” seem to be more about productivity than pure enjoyment.

And it came to a head this past year. I became increasingly resentful when my spouse had hobbies or activities that took him away from our home or family, if even just for a couple hours. I was jealous. And I didn’t know how to change it.

I felt at a loss for so long. I am not overly athletic, the thought of joining some sports league turned me off. I don’t like exercising. Some of my hobbies I do more for the end product – like scrapbooking. I don’t actually feel awesome while I’m doing it. In fact, it’s rather the opposite. I often end up with quite the back ache! I do love to organize, so when I have a good chunk of time I love to clean out a closet or shelving unit, purge and re-sort and organize the area. But again, a hobby that’s more about a to-do list or a productive end. What’s a woman to do?

Beyond this I’ve been sinking my teeth into being a mom for a very long time. And every year it seems that role requires new skills and new knowledge – call it my continuing education credits. =) I have to constantly be on my toes to keep up with my crew. And I am glad I can be that for them. But in the process I lost something. This isn’t meant to be a sappy, sad story about losing me – because I gained a new person when I became a mother, when I had a child diagnosed with autism, when I adopted a child, when I became the mother of three, when I became the owner of a pet, and so on. Each of these experiences have shaped who I am, and I am glad I am a different person today than I was ten or fifteen years ago. But I DID forget to include some things for shaping myself during that decade and a half. I let hobbies go by the wayside. I picked up new hobbies that had more to deal with the benefit of my children.

Last Spring I thankfully realized this and, even better, finally figured out something I could enjoy doing. I got back into theatre. When I was in elementary and high school and college I enjoyed being on stage and hadn’t done it since. So I auditioned with our local theatre group at the end of this summer and was thrilled when I got a part for the production this Fall. I can tell you that I LOVED every single practice I went to, I felt ALIVE when I was on stage, a part of me came forth that I hadn’t been in touch with in such a long time – - and my kids got to meet her! I do hope to be back at it in the future.

I encourage you to find that thing that makes you come alive. I know for me it was extremely tough to find the right activity. It literally took years.  My major suggestions based solely on my experience only…

1. Choose an activity that is good for YOU. It has nothing to benefit your family necessarily, there may be no monetary payout. It may produce nothing physical in the end. It just purely brings YOU joy to do it. Think of your strengths and how you could offer those to your community. One resource you could look at is www.volunteermatch.com.

2. Try not to have a hobby centered around something that will always make you feel behind. I can’t think of all the possibilities but I can tell you that my scrapbooking hobby has become more of a task than anything, simply because of my personality style. Thus, I cannot think of scrapbooking as so much of a hobby anymore but as more of just one of my to-do list items. It’s better to just call it what it is. =)

3. Don’t make excuses that your time will come. If you need this now, make it happen now. I should have done this three years ago. It may have been too much for me when I was in the throes of having babies, in the midst of an adoption, or during Owen’s early years of diagnosis and intensive therapy. But really, you can make a hobby happen – even as the mother of a child with special needs.

4. Make it a committed activity – something scheduled and on your calendar. Commit to certain times of the week or month and put it on the family calendar. Also, think about the time of day – choose a time that will be satisfying for you. If getting up early is a chore, or staying out late is not something you like – don’t choose an activity that requires that simply because it’s more convenient to the family calendar. This is YOUR activity.  You have to want to go, and time of day is important.

5. Obviously, you’ll need to get your family on board. For my particular situation that wasn’t a problem. My husband could see that I needed that break, that activity, badly… for years. For some it could be much harder to work out the logistics of a hobby: childcare/respite considerations, a spouse who doesn’t agree or who also needs a hobby. I hope you’ll find the resources needed when you need them.  It isn’t always easy, but I hope you’ll not quit at the first sign of discouragement.  It is worth it to keep trying!

6. If it’s a hobby that doesn’t necessarily require you to leave home, try to take your hobby away from home anyway – or you’ll likely never get to it. If you like sewing, sign up for a sewing class and make a new project (who cares about the unfinished one in your sewing closet – let it go!). If you like photography, take a class at a local arts association or camera store. If you like painting, ceramics, sculpting, stained glass – find a local studio and inquire about upcoming classes (just because none are listed on their website doesn’t mean the owner isn’t thinking about offering one and your call may be just what he/she needed to get one scheduled!). Enjoy collecting things? – make a scheduled date to visit stores that sell those items to go rummaging for additions to your collection.

There are always hurdles to getting something done. I have not mastered my own tips. I will likely have to go back to this list myself and remind myself of what I learned during this season of my life. I am thankful for what I was able to be a part of, and I will leave you with a few pictures of my adventures on stage.

Consoling my friend, Lexie - in Dixie Swim Club

I loved playing the role of Dinah!

A touching scene between Lexie & Dinah. I'll be forever changed by this play and connected to the women who did this alongside me.

Filed Under: FUN, Uncategorized

A Day at the Fair (a photo essay)

October 14, 2012 By 1 Comment

The Virginia Dickersons visit the Virginia State Fair on Homeschool Day.

Cami's grown taller, but not as tall as a farm-equipment wheel.

Cami and yours truly standing by the best-in-show giant pumpkin. The agricultural exhibits tend to be our favorite activities.

Michael and Cami are chillin' with the banana mons on the midway.

We paid $2 each to see this hog. He didn't stand up much.

Of course, the fair is about the fun food. Cami and Michael share some hot mini donuts.

Cami spent a good hour taking pictures and video of the midway so she could share the fair with her friends. I sat on a bench while her dad went with her. (Too much sensory input for me on the midway.)

Cami holds an eastern mole snake because she's brave like that.

Yes, Brave Mommy is holding a corn snake. Anything for the children, right?

Roscoe Dog missed us. He waits patiently with his toys.

Roscoe thought the shirt Cami bought at the fair was for him. Either he liked the smell, or he liked the cats pictured all over the shirt.

Happy Fall, Y’all!

Cassandra

 

 

Filed Under: FUN, Homeschool Tagged With:

When all is not “Fun and Games”

July 13, 2012 By Leave a Comment

I love to read. It’s like breathing. And I come from a long line of genteel but victorious word game players. My daddy perused the Reader’s Digest’s Word Power page while my mama’s parents routinely required the children to reference the dictionary during the dinner hour (something that could quite possibly be fatal if ever tried here in our house).

I met my husband at college – a place where reading is a survival skill if there ever was one. And as the sing-song goes,  “first came love, then came marriage, then came a baby in a baby carriage,” who by the way, was born to read. SO you can imagine my delight collecting every book known to man! (Honey, we need more bookcases….) I remember thinking, “these books will be devoured by ALL our children! Just think of the valuable lessons they will soak up….” Oh the places we’ll go, to quote Dr. Seuss.

Did NOT happen.

Turns out, our firstborn was not only first, but also the only reader. I married a (brilliant) nonreader, so maybe that explains (in a Mendel sort of way) why we (meaning I) gave birth to two more non-readers. But no scientific study predicted our firstborn marrying a nonreader (introducing bookcases into their new home) and our 3rd born seriously dating a nonreader, bringing us to a grand total of 5 out of 7.

Do you know what this means??

It means, quite simply, there are some games we will NEVER be playing as a family. This we learned, after much trial and some error.

For instance, no Bananagrams, Scrabble, Boggle, or any kind of spelling/vocabulary/word game. No more Gestures or Taboo. That’s just ASKING for trouble. Timed reading with an audience = how to kill fun in one minute or less.

So, you may ask, what do you DO during those proverbial family game times??

Dutch Blitz, Mexican dominoes, Settlers of Bataan, Triaminoes, Blokus, Up the River/Down the River, Ticket to Ride, Sequence… (These companies are not paying me to advertise, it’s just that you couldn’t pay me to try any more “family game time” otherwise.) Oh, and it may interest you to know my kids learned poker (does not require reading) from one of my best friends’ children when they were home on furlough from the mission field. In middle school.

To be clear: my life is incredibly richer being introduced to another angle of life by these loved ones who live amazing lives without reading books. I wouldn’t trade any one of them for all the books or any word game in the world.

(BUT if you ever want to play a game of Bananagrams, you can reach me at 1-800-Just-Kidding)

Playfully :) ,

Joan

 

Filed Under: FUN Tagged With:

The Hardest Trip

May 24, 2012 By 1 Comment

We’re headed to the beach – the family home we haven’t seen in nearly 18 months. The kids are out of school, the weather promises to be idyllic. What for your ordinary traveler might be just a “nice weekend,” is for two war-weary parents with a disabled child, a chance to grasp at heaven. Matt and I may as well be first-classing it to the Maldives for as excited as we are.

The resort town is a perfect child’s playground – ice cream stands and pirate-themed trinket shops, a boardwalk and bikes to rent, and a playground and sand and lighthouses dotting the peninsula like giant candles. There are hours of activity in store for Noah, Grace, and Jesse. And from the second-story deck from which we can see the ocean, the adults can talk for hours in hammock chairs with the kids scrambling at our feet. It is very nearly perfect for everyone. Save for one tiny detail: the road trip required to get there.

Under “ordinary” circumstances, we should make the trip in about 5.5 hours. However, we’re lucky if we arrive in fewer than seven. And now, with the loss of modern conveniences like the car’s DVD player and CD player (thank you, Jesse for proving that both devices work just as well as coin slots as they do electronics), it’s going to feel a little like a Bonanza wagon train. Just imagine a very long, very hot, very boring, very crowded car ride with a child in the backseat repeating, “Bad, Jesse! Bad, Jesse!” Then imagine the offended child starts screaming, as anyone would, should their moral composition be repeatedly questioned. Then add another child, who will start whining that she’s hot, or that she didn’t really want chicken nuggets (even though she explicitly told you otherwise), and will extend her leg to Noah, whispering, “Noah, you better not touch me.” To which the first child will respond as anticipated, and the girl will scream with operatic shrillness and set every dog down interstate 95 to fits of barking. Then imagine all of this occurs in holiday traffic, with a whistling window seal resulting from a poor repair job, and a son who insists on eating the same sunflower seeds as his dad (and in the same abundance), which means potty breaks of more frequency and greater urgency than anyone could have anticipated. I usually need a wheelchair and a bag of IV fluids by the time we get there – just like some actress/singer/“celebutant” claiming exhaustion. Listen, I have no personal beef with Rihanna, but I doubt girlfriend’s taken a drive like ours.

So if you think of it this holiday weekend, will those of you without children, or with children who are better behaved, or with cars of better repair, headed on shorter drives – will you pray for us?

And then, sitting on the beach in what is left of the magenta sun, watching my son scream into the misty air as he delights in the roar of the coming tide, I promise to pray for you.

- Sarah

Filed Under: Asperger, Family, FUN, Holidays, Journey, Prayer, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , ,

On Laughter

May 2, 2012 By Leave a Comment

As a family, we watch a lot of movies.  They are almost all comedies (except for the Star Wars Trilogy, on which I have developed a strange adult fixation).  For us, movies are a way to relax and a way to connect.  We watch tv together, sharing food, laughter, pillows and blankets.

My husband loves to laugh.  He does not laugh quietly.  He is a “falling off the couch while laughing” kind of guy.  And he especially loves any kind of slapstick humor.  So when we find a movie that Ben likes, the entire family enjoys it more because of his genuine, childlike enthusiasm and laughter.

Because of Ben’s problems with short-term memory, he doesn’t always remember what movies we’ve watched.  So we watch movies repeatedly.  A lot.  Over and over.  Add to that the fact that he has no visual memory, he does not remember movies in the same way that we do.  He can remember funny moments.  But he can’t remember who said the lines or what movie the lines are from.  And if he hears a funny line, he will automatically laugh out loud and say, “What movie is that from?  We haven’t seen that movie in a long time.”  And the rest of our family will groan….

It’s gotten to the point where the kids and I no longer want to watch some of our favorite movies due to overexposure!

The other night, I created a game for our family to play.  I knew that my game would either make Ben very angry or he would be able to laugh and enjoy the game with us.  I didn’t mention anything to Ben ahead of time.  I took my cues from how he had been acting all afternoon and at dinner.   I took a chance and called the kids together to play a “family trivia game.”

We’ve played family trivia games before, always using Candy Corn as the prize for the winners who get the question right.  But instead of asking standard trivia questions (Bible verses, historical facts, movie actors), I called this game “Movie Memory Trivia.”  I would quote a line from one of our favorite movies.  Ben had to name the movie that the line came from.  If he couldn’t, the turn would pass to the kids and they would all yell the name of the movie and receive the candy corn.

Praise God, my husband enjoyed the game.

This game could have come across as mocking Ben’s disability.  I certainly did not want to do this.  Instead, we ended up laughing together as a family because of something that is unique to us…Ben’s poor memory for movies.  This silly game was a time for us to celebrate our unique family culture as we rehearsed dialogue from our favorite comedies and watched Dad convulse with laughter as each time as though it were the first time he heard these lines.

Hidden disabilities can be hard on a family.  I am thankful to God that we can still keep our sense of humor and find ways to be at peace with the life and some of the circumstances God has for our family.

The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
(Psalm 16:5-6 ESV)

~Nancy

 

Filed Under: Acquired Brain Injury, Family, FUN, humor Tagged With: , ,

PROUD

March 9, 2012 By Leave a Comment

When your child has had times when he doesn’t function in society, when he has had moments like running off the stage when playing Joseph in a Christmas play, biting a kid who was annoying him, or melting down as a toddler in the church nursery, you are allowed to feel proud when something seems to be working and they DO function, not only in society, but in a new or chaotic environment. I had some of those PROUD moments lately.

The first one came about a month ago when a teacher at the school where I work had a student in her class diagnosed with Aspergers and she asked me to come speak to the class. I told my 15-year-old son Daniel that I had been asked to speak and he asked me if he could come too. He said he’d like to tell the class about having Aspergers. Wow! I was surprised and SO excited. This kid was nervous to speak to adults or even kids his own age a few years ago and now he wants to speak in a class full of kids and teachers? So, we found a book about Aspergers and I read it to the class. After that, Daniel spoke and answered questions.

My favorite illustration that he gave was one about superheroes. He asked the class of first graders if superheroes were regular, normal people. Of course, they said no. Daniel went on to say that kids with Aspergers aren’t regular, normal people either. They are special in a good way, just like superheroes. He said he was glad he has Aspergers because it makes him super good at some things and it makes him who he is. Right after that, the newly diagnosed first grader said, “I’m glad I have Aspergers too.” Wow. Talk about having a teary-eyed, smiling moment of pride!

Then, this last weekend, we attended a First Robotics Competition. Daniel was able to join the Robotics team of a local public high school, as was another friend who is also a homeschooler. (Sometimes, all homeschoolers have to do is ask and you can join in with public school activities). He had spent the fall attending meetings and helping build this robot for the regional competition. Through that process, at the advice of a friend, I had stepped back and let him integrate into the group on his own. The kids on the team were really friendly and accepting of his differences and his gifts.

The competition, though, was in a big, noisy room at a convention center, with music playing, an announcer yelling, and busy people. The team was in a “pit” and was busily at work in semi-organized chaos. My son, somehow, was able to tune out the noise (with some effort) and stay engaged with the team all day long! He kept going back to the team to ask if there was anything they needed him to do, he watched competitions, and even helped carry the robot on the playing field. And, at the end of the day, he attended a dance and happily joined in on the dance floor, doing his own thing and enjoying the music and friends. Wow. Double-wow.

I know I must have looked pretty silly watching that dance. I just sat there and smiled from ear to ear. My son, who had struggled so much with friendship, social skills, academics, and much more, was really happy and accepted and had, in his words, “a day that he will never forget”. I’m not sure what we’ve done over the years that made the difference for those days and those experiences but I know God has been at work in Daniel’s life through many interventions, types of schooling, and prayers. All I can say is that I am thankful!

~ Brooke

Filed Under: Anxiety, Asperger, Challenge, Courage, Friends, FUN, grace, Homeschool, Parenting, Social skills, Teenager, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,

Sometimes you just have to play

February 1, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Confession.  I am a Martha.  Yep, it’s true.  I am a worker bee.  I am consistently guilty of working on something, anything, almost all the time.  I am not very good at just resting.  Or … deep breath … PLAYING.

AGH.  I said it.  I am guilty of not knowing how to PLAY.

When did I forget how to play?  I used to play as a child, as a teen, as a twenty-something.

But somewhere between working in D.C., law school (at night because I was working full time), marrying, having children, IEPs, etc., I forgot how to play.  There were things to do — good things — but always SOMETHING.

Not today.  Nope.  I am playing hookie.  No clothes to wash, meals to make, homework to review, papers to sign….

We are stealing away and going to play.  AGH!  I feel so … bad.  GLINT in my eye.  SMILE on my face.

We are stealing away to celebrate, are you listening?  GROUNDHOG DAY!  Yep, we are doing it.  We have talked about it for years and we are doing it.  We are taking the kids out of school and going to Punxsutawney, PA (it has only taken my looking that spelling up about 87 times to get it right.)

And I am thrilled.  So today, just today, I am going to play.

The blogs can wait.  The email can wait.  The phone calls can wait.

If you call and get my voicemail, just hang.  I’ll get back to being Martha tomorrow.

Affectionately,

~ Shannon

 

Filed Under: Family, FUN, Parenting Tagged With: , ,

God’s Grace and Patient Zero

December 26, 2011 By Leave a Comment

The Hardin household is once again entering that special time of year. I am not talking about the Yuletide season; no, I am talking about the cold and flu season. What do I mean by that? Lets just say that our son Fletcher is a very giving young man, and it never fails that he “gifts” me at least one sickness during this time of year. You may be thinking, “If you know that this tends to happen every year, why don’t you do something about it?”

That is a good question, and its answer is slightly complicated. You see, there are several things about Fletcher, our relationship, and me that make my proclivity toward illness as predictable as Christmas falling on the 25th of December.

First, Fletcher deals with apraxia, a disorder in which he tends to put everything, and I mean everything, in his mouth. This of course means he tends to store germs in his jaws like a manic squirrel stores acorns on a late autumn day.

Second, although Fletcher is non-verbal, that does not mean he cannot communicate. Fletch tends to mimic Judge Reinhold’s guest character on the sitcom Seinfeld by being a “bit of a close talker.” Said another way, he often attempts to communicate with me by placing his forehead against mine while giggling joyously at one thing or another. This provides me with plenty of opportunities to receive anything that Fletch may have for me.

Third, Fletch demands that he and Dad have their “wrestle time” every single day. Now sometimes big brother Tucker stands in for me, but for the most part, Fletcher doesn’t feel complete until he and I have had our bonding time, a time that was so much easier for me when I was younger and he was smaller. His persistence in wrestling me cannot be avoided; he will grab me by the hand and pull me over on the couch until he has had his fill (usually around 15-20 minutes) of connected time with Dada.

Fourth, I have never met a cold virus that my body didn’t want to promote to a full-blown case of sinusitis. Whereas my little Patient Zero will bring a cold home, he rarely ceases to function at less than optimal speed for more than a day or so. Me on the other hand, will get really sick for a few days, the kind of sick where I find myself making deals with God much like Burt Reynolds’ character in the movie The End. You know what I am talking about, “God, if you allow me to breathe  through my nose again, I promise to give you 100% of everything I earn for the rest of my life!” You may be thinking, “If Fletcher makes you so sick, why do you go around him when you think he has a cold?”

There are three reasons:

1. I love my son. The Scriptures say, “love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). As I have grown in my relationship with Fletcher, I now have a slight appreciation for those pastors who ministered to afflicted people during times of plague and disease.

2. I love my God. When I interact with my disease-ridden little fellow I am serving him and meeting his emotional needs. I do this not only because he needs me, but also I do it because that is what I am supposed to do. Fletcher needs his “wrestle time” as badly as the wounded man needed the Good Samaritan’s compassion (Luke 10:30-37).

3. I trust my Jesus. Although I am the biggest wimp in the world when it comes to being ill, fortunately, I don’t have to rely upon my own strength during such times. Jesus’ words to Paul are Jesus’ words for me: “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me (2 Corinthians 12:9).” No matter what I am exposed to, I know that Christ will give me the grace to get through it, including anything that Fletch may give me.

With these things stated, I must go for now. I can hear Fletch’s fiendish laugh as he’s coming down the hall. It’s time for another round of wrestling. Before this impending Battle Royale, I need to go take another antibiotic because Fletch looks determined to win this time!

~ Todd

Filed Under: Autism, Challenge, Family, FUN, grace, humor, Parenting, Relationships, Trust Tagged With: , , , , , , ,
« Older Posts