I can’t find the words to describe what I feel when I hold my baby’s baby in my arms…
She is so perfectly beautiful!!
Her full bodied stretches amaze me,
And her wide mouthed yawns amuse me…
Her utter stillness (when something catches her attention) awes me…
And sheer magnitude of what God has done between those two births, 25 years apart, is profoundly affecting me.
My firstborn was born into a manic crises (a story for another blog – after I’ve had SLEEP) … and in all my exhaustion and pain back then, I could not imagine anything in my future being worth living for. Certainly not something as amazing and powerfully good as holding HER firstborn! To me, at the time, my future held nothing but gloom and doom. “Gloom, despair, and agony on me! Deep dark depression, excessive misery! … if it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all – gloom, despair, and agony on me!” (a song from the old TV show, Hee Haw)
It astounds me God wove all these meaningful tender newborn moments into my future.
During those dark days though, my mama shared a tender poem, to encourage her firstborn (me). This is for any of you in our Chosen Families family, who feel this way:
I’m too tired to trust and too tired to pray,
Said one, as the over-taxed strength gave way.
The conscious thought by my mind possessed,
Is, oh, could I just drop it all and rest.
Will God forgive me, do you suppose,
If I go right to sleep as a baby goes,
Without an asking if I may,
Without ever trying to trust and pray?
Will God forgive you? Why think, dear heart,
When language to you was an unknown art,
Did a mother deny you needed rest,
Or refuse to pillow your head on her breast?
Did she let you want when you could not ask?
Did she set her child an unequal task?
Or did she cradle you in her arms,
And then guard your slumber against alarms?
Ah, how quick was her mother love to see,
The unconscious yearnings of infancy,
When you’ve grown too tired to trust and pray,
When over-wrought nature has quite given way;
Then just drop it all, and give up to rest, (mama starred this line)
As you used to do on a mother’s breast,
He knows all about it – the dear Lord knows,
So just go to sleep as a baby goes;
Without even asking if you may,
God knows when His child is too tired to pray.
He judges not solely by uttered prayer,
He knows when the yearnings of love are there.
He knows you do pray, He knows you do trust,
And He knows, too, the limits of poor weak dust.
Oh, the wonderful sympathy of Christ,
For His chosen ones in that midnight tryst,
When He bade them sleep and take their rest,
While on Him the guilt of the whole world pressed –
You’ve given your life up to Him to keep,
Then don’t be afraid to go right to sleep.
– Ella Conrad Cowherd
(one comment: Jesus didn’t “bade them sleep” as in “sweet dreams!” Actually, He urged them to pray, at the worst moment of His life – and they failed Him completely. But their failure did not change His mind. He accepted their limitations, and saved them anyway.)
Sleepy and still saved,
Photo credit: David Castillo Dominici/Freedigitalphoto.net