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Time to Breathe

June 11, 2013 By Leave a Comment

BreatheI have just completed week 2 of summer break and I have to say how thankful I am that I am a teacher! I actually do love more about teaching than the breaks, really I do, but I am especially thankful right now – looking forward to many more weeks of summer.

One of the best blessings of summer is time – time to just slow down and catch my breath from the hectic pace of the school year, time to enjoy my hobbies, and time to just hang out with my kids. I normally get to hang out with my 14-year-old neuro-typical daughter a lot. She has lots of energy like I do and we share a lot of hobbies in common – sewing, reading, listening to audiobooks, raising Angora rabbits, etc. We run errands together, eat lunch together, shop together, and even sit and read together. It’s easy to spend time with her, even during the busy times of the year.

Daniel, however, is my introverted 17-year-old son with Aspergers and it is sometimes hard to find things in common with him and things we can do together. I’m not a big video gamer (as a matter of fact, I tried to play a high action and high speed video game with him last week and he put it on the easiest level and I still did very poorly – he stated that I should stick to Angry Birds ☺.) I am not good at building with Legos. I can only take so many funny You Tube videos. The things he enjoys the most aren’t things that I particularly enjoy most of the time. I do try to do those things with him and I think that he appreciates my efforts.

Yesterday, his sister was over at a friend’s house and I asked him if we could spend some time together. He suggested we take a walk around the block, which we did, and then we went out to lunch together. I wanted to go to a little bit nicer Mexican restaurant but he wanted Taco Bell since he knows what he likes and knows what to order there – he likes the predictable. So, we ate inside Taco Bell and I have to tell you that I just really like my son. I always LOVE him but spending time just talking together reminds me that I actually like him too. He is a joy to spend time with, he is smart and creative and thoughtful and Godly. We talked about his ideas, his future, and so much more. Wow! I am so very, very blessed with the work the Lord has done with my kids, often through me and often in spite of me. I just had to take the time to hang out with Daniel to be reminded, once again, of the grace and blessing of God in my life and the life of my family.

Summer is such a blessing! I am so thankful for this time and I must remember, even during the busy times that will return in fall, to spend even more time with these amazing kids God has blessed me with – it is worth every second spent!

Grateful,

Brooke

Contact: Brooke@chosenfamilies.org

Filed Under: Asperger, Family, Parenting, rest, summer, Teenager, Uncategorized Tagged With: , ,

Encouragement

June 6, 2013 By Leave a Comment

meet for a reasonI’m sure there are many reasons in the heavenly realms that I have been chosen to raise an amazing and sometimes challenging child like Daniel (age 17, ASD and learning disabilities). This week I re-discovered one of them and I am so glad the Lord allowed me a glimpse of it.

I was at a gathering with some friends and their children and was watching a very energetic teen bounce off the walls. He was a delightful young man and I really enjoyed his humor and energy. But his high energy also included some risk-taking behaviors – jumping off things, hanging out of the side and back of the hayride trailer. The moms in the trailer were constantly watching him with worry but his mom was very relaxed and, as long as he wasn’t in actual danger, let him “do his thing.” She explained that she was used to him and that he was actually just fine. It reminded me of when Daniel was little and was mostly demonstrating ADHD behaviors. He would stress others out but I was used to him.

I got to talk to the mom and told her how delightful her son was. I casually mentioned that God makes kids like him on purpose and has a wonderful plan for their high energy and risk-taking. I was surprised when she thanked me for this comment and said she needed the reminder. I also told her that I was VERY high energy as a child (so much so that my parents waited almost 8 years to have another child – but I’m sure I wasn’t the only reason they waited, right? ☺). Now, I am a caregiver for my father, disabled husband, son with Aspergers and learning disabilities and my neuro-typical daughter. I also work full-time as a teacher and homeschool. Now I know why I was (and am) so high energy – God knew what was in store in my life and made me that way on purpose, and I am so glad He did!

I was so thankful that I was able to encourage someone else, even if just a little bit, from the encouragement that I had previously received from the Lord and from his revealing of one of his purposes in making me and making my son Daniel. It reminded me of these verses: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.” – 2 Corinthians 1:3,4

If you are in a stressful parenting situation with your “chosen child”, don’t forget to take note of the encouraging things, the things that God shows you. You may be able to use them to encourage someone else!

Brooke

Contact: Brooke@chosenfamilies.org

Filed Under: ADHD, Asperger, Encouragement, Teenager, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , , ,

Off to Work

March 21, 2013 By 1 Comment

As I have mentioned before, the concern about what my son Daniel will do for a living as an adult often crosses my mind. I have been submitting this to prayer a lot lately. He is almost 17 (in May) and has Aspergers and learning challenges. Many of the characteristics of his challenges make traditional jobs unlikely to be good fit for him. Noise bothers him, dirt bothers him, repetitive jobs drive him nuts, etc.

So, when my brother-in-law mentioned that he needed temporary extra help at his manufacturing company for a large order, Daniel came to mind (a mom’s hopeful thinking) and then left my mind (all of the above challenges are a part of this job). I decided to mention it to him anyway since he is trying to save money for an expensive gaming computer. To my surprise, he said yes! I asked him about the things that would bother him and he, on his own, came up with coping strategies. For the noise and repetitive jobs, he would wear headphones and listen to an audio book. For the dirt, he would ask to work in a non-fiberglass area. I was SO proud that he was willing to step out of his comfort zone and that he was able to come up with solutions to the issues in order to reach a step along to way to his goal of saving money for the computer.

The only problem that remained was the pay. When Daniel got off from work on his first day, he told me that he was making $8/hour. He said that this was a problem because he just couldn’t remember his 8s on his times tables. He said he knew it would be rude to ask for $9/hour (he knows a trick to remember his 9s) and he didn’t want to ask for less money. I suppressed a chuckle and discussed ways to figure out how much he had made using other methods. I love that guy! He makes me laugh and makes me proud!

The lesson through it all, for me as his mom, is that God has it covered. He has my back and Daniel’s back. Whew. I am so thankful to see God at work and to see Him answer prayers. The maturing process in a child with Asperger’s may be slower, but it happens and I am so glad to see maturity and responsibility growing in my son. I am thankful to see Him overcoming and coping with his challenges. This temporary job is a great first step to future employment and future independence! Praise the Lord!

Encouraged,

Brooke

Filed Under: Asperger, Parenting, Teenager, Uncategorized, work Tagged With: , , , ,

Anxiety Wears Sneakers

February 23, 2013 By Leave a Comment

My son (age 16, Aspergers and Learning Disabilities) and daughter and I were walking around the mall last week when I noticed a “Now Hiring” sign in a game store. “You could work there,” I told my son. He replied, “Mom, do you want me out of the house or something? You keep mentioning places I could work.” Oops. I didn’t realize how often I mention jobs or careers to my son.

I think it is the sneaky sneakers of anxiety. They sneak up on me, into my heart and mind and, eventually, out of my mouth. Unless I am actively identifying my anxiety and presenting these concerns to the Lord (with thanksgiving), I become anxious, particularly about my son’s future. I wonder what kind of job he will be able to do, how he will be successful, how he will handle stress and chaos, who he will find to marry, and many other future issues that I have no control over.

On the surface, I am doing my best to educate him, socialize him, and help him overcome his learning disabilities. On the surface, I am not worried about tomorrow but there is an undercurrent that I think all parents have that threatens to suck us into the riptide of worry and anxiety. Then, suddenly, I find that I have “borrowed trouble” from tomorrow. I have allowed the sneaky sneakers to catch up to me.

I really don’t know the answers to these questions and I have no idea of what he may end up doing for a living. The possibilities sometimes seem more limited than they are for my neurotypical daughter. But they are not! We have a God who doesn’t know the meaning of the word impossible. We have a God who promises us that, if we present our requests to Him, with thanksgiving, he will keep those sneaky sneakers away and guard our hearts and give us peace instead of anxiety. What an amazing, loving God we serve!

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:6-7

~Brooke

Filed Under: Anxiety, Asperger, learning disabilities, Parenting, Teenager, Trust, Uncategorized, work Tagged With: , , , , ,

A Glimpse of Future Reality

October 20, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Don’t you just LOVE it when your child begins to view life and the future more realistically? For many years, Daniel, my sixteen-year-old son with Asperger’s, ADHD, and learning challenges, has wanted to be a video game tester for a career. This weekend, we were talking about some things that I’d like to do “when I grow up”, some future dreams of mine like owning a quilt shop or teaching others to quilt. Daniel came out with the most amazing quote:
“Find what you love and do more and more of it…unless it is video games.
Then you have to find something else, like a desk job.”

I laughed for several full minutes enjoying the humor of his quote but at the same time, I was thankful for the wisdom of his words. He has begun to realize that you may not be able to do everything you want to do all the time but that you can make a living at things that you love. The future reality of work may not be your favorite thing to do (like video game playing) but you can enjoy work and do something you love (or at least like). He knows that you have to make a living at something that is valued by others. I’m glad he is realizing that!

On the other hand, I was talking with Daniel about some things that our family would like to do that are expensive. Daniel wisely reminded me that God can do anything and we just need to pray about it. He continued saying that, if God wants it to happen, it will happen and if not, it won’t. Wow.

It somehow amazes me to see Daniel, in particular, growing up and getting a grasp on God and life and careers. He will technically be an adult in two years but, due to his Aspergers, his maturity has generally been behind the norm.

I am not in a rush for him to grow up and move out on his own. He can move at his own pace, without the pressure from parents, as far as we are concerned. But it is good to see him moving toward adulthood and maturity in many different ways. He is thinking about careers, about adulthood, about money (thanks to the Dave Ramsey for Teens homeschool finance class), about dating and marriage, and many other issues that he will have to face in life. I am SO proud and thankful to see him developing into a man of God and to see him developing wisdom and a grasp on the future and the reality of life.

~ Brooke

Filed Under: Asperger, Teenager Tagged With: , ,

Boy-man “owns it”

October 13, 2012 By 2 Comments

I didn’t post about this week-old event right away, it’s been simmering on the back burner. But the more I think about it, the more AMAZING it is.

 

Dan (18, high school senior) knows he has autism. He asked me once if he will ever get over it. But it has always been a source of embarrassment for him. Didn’t want ME to talk about it. No long conversations about how it feels or even what it IS. He doesn’t want to read anything about it or discuss it.

 

But last weekend a friend took my GameShow Fanatic son to the Wheel of Fortune tryouts in Baltimore. “Mom,” he said when he came home, “I made a last-minute change to my contestant application before I turned it in.” “Really? What did you change?” “I wrote ‘high school student with autism’ on my application.” “You DID? Why did you do that?” “Because I don’t think they’ve ever had a Wheel of Fortune contestant with autism before, so maybe they will pick me!”

 

This was astounding on several levels. The fact that it OCCURED to him. That he should DO it. That he should TELL me about it. And a couple of days later, when Jim’s mom was visiting from CA and Dan was telling her and her escort about his WOF adventure, I asked him how he changed his application to stand out from the crowd, and he told THEM! Wow.

 

Now, this didn’t just come out of nowhere. For a few years, his case manager, Mr. Wonderful, has scripted him to lead his own IEP meetings, and he has to start off with his name and “my disability is autism.” And when we went to The Price is Right this summer on a life-long promised trip for his 18th birthday, I said he should tell the producers, “I’m awesome, I’m 18, and I have autism, and you should show your support of people with disabilities by picking me!” which he did not do. But still, it came together for him at this point in time. And God was so good to give him that moment. And so good of Him for Dan to give ME that moment. Thank You!

 

~ Danz mom, Peggy

Filed Under: Autism, growth, Parenting, Teenager Tagged With:

On the Edge of Glory

September 8, 2012 By 3 Comments

It is amazing to me how fast time flies. It seems like yesterday I was picking up Daniel (ADHD, Aspergers, learning disabilities) from preschool and hearing once again about how he had bitten someone or was having trouble with his letters and writing. Even with his challenges, I knew he was an amazing boy. Then, when we got the Asperger’s diagnosis in 3rd grade, although I had to readjust my expectations, I still knew he was an amazing boy.

I wonder how many of us would actually want a “normal” child. Yes, we want our children to fall within certain social or academic parameters to make life easier for them and for us. And we want them to look normal in their dress and appearance to some degree. But do we really want them to BE normal? I thought I wanted normal children – ones that follow the rules and succeed in school and are always obedient. But when the Lord gave me the two I have, and one of them struggled in school and in social life and in behavior, I realized I didn’t really want normal kids. Yes, I cried a lot when I couldn’t figure out what to do about social conflicts, academic challenges, or difficulties. I prayed a lot too. But, most of all, I loved my little critters and really enjoyed them.

As time has flown by, the Lord has taught me so very many things. One thing that he has preached to my soul over and over is that he has great plans for both my children. Now, as Daniel is sixteen and only two years away from his senior year of high school, I realize that he is on the edge of those great plans, on the edge of glory (God’s glory, that is). Daniel is showing me that all that struggle and therapy and regular schooling and homeschooling and prayer and Bible study and encouragement is going to be worth it. He is becoming a responsible driver, a child who is quick to help when I ask (even if he doesn’t see the need on his own, he is willing to help if I point it out), a young man who wants to learn about the Lord and grow in his faith (even if the noise and chaos of youth group and Sunday School can overwhelm him), and an eager learner. He has learned about himself over the years and can tell me how he wants to learn something and the pace at which he wants that learning to take place.

I am so thankful that as time continues to fly by, God will continue to reveal his glory in and through Daniel. I can trust in God’s faithfulness that I have seen in His promises and in our lives. So, for those of you who are struggling (and I know we will continue to have heartaches and struggles too), know that there are beautiful times ahead where God will begin to reveal the young man or woman that your chosen child will be someday. He will show you in many ways how HIS glory will be revealed in your life and your child’s life. Keep up the praying and moving forward – to the glory of God.

~ Brooke

Filed Under: ADHD, Asperger, God's presence, learning disabilities, Teenager Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Of Church and Comedy Camp

July 5, 2012 By Leave a Comment

The past three weeks have been terrific ones for Daniel. He passed his driver’s test (with less nerves than I felt as his mom). He attended two weeks of full day comedy camp and put on a wonderful show with his fellow classmates. He went to bed on time each night on his own, got up easily and drove himself to and from camp. He went straight to his room each night to regenerate but he LOVED the camp. In most camps Daniel has done in the past, I have had to pick him up early or he has gone a few days and been overwhelmed and not finished the week. But this time, he finished two whole weeks! These are huge milestones for him. I am so thankful God is showing both Daniel and me that there are amazing things Daniel can do. He is overcoming and excelling. Wow!

He has missed church for a few weeks due to his need to recharge with some alone time after camp but he wanted to go to Sunday School and church this past Sunday. We arrived as usual and I dropped him off in the big entryway area where the teens gather before dispersing for their Sunday School classes. I went to my class upstairs and left him to his own devices. A few minutes after class started, I looked outside the room and saw Daniel standing there looking concerned. I excused myself and went out to talk to him. He told me that he was a little overwhelmed with all the kids and all the noise. He didn’t remember where his class met and didn’t see any of the kids from his class. I told him I was surprised that he was overwhelmed since he had been doing so well. He answered profoundly, “Mom, no matter how much I overpower it and push past it, I still have two disorders, you know” (ADHD and Aspergers). Another wow! I gladly indulged this wise truth and invited him to come to my Sunday School class. He came and really enjoyed it. He even asked if he could continue to come to my class and my kind Sunday School class teacher told him he was always welcome. It is a pretty laid back class and he enjoyed the humor, the people, and the lesson.

I am so very thankful that the Lord is at work in Daniel’s life. He is growing and maturing and learning so much about himself and the world around him. I am so thankful to see the self-awareness, and thus other-awareness, growing. It is so nice to have such hopeful signs in our life. Way to go, Daniel.

~ Brooke

Filed Under: Asperger, Teenager Tagged With: , , , , ,

Willing to Try It

April 9, 2012 By Leave a Comment

As parents of special needs kids, we are willing to try so many things to help our children grow and succeed in the world. That is certainly true of me with my son Daniel (AS) in terms of alternative therapy/treatments.

We have tried many, many things with Daniel. He was on ADHD medicine (Concerta) for most of elementary school. That helped him function in a classroom setting but it had lots of side effects like not eating much, not gaining weight, and not sleeping well. He decided to stop when we started homeschooling.

We also did NeuroNet therapy for a couple of years in elementary school. The website says this about NeuroNet: “NeuroNet is a research-based learning readiness program designed to help students develop core academic skills and become independent learners. NeuroNet exercises facilitate learning through movement, an approach based on extensive neuroscience research and clinical practice. The NeuroNet programs provide structured, at-home practice of exercises that can be completed in about 20 minutes a day.” We went once a week to the therapist to learn the new exercises for the week and we worked on them daily at home. They were repetitive and some nights it was a battle to get Daniel to do them but they seemed to improve his sensory issues, focus issues, and some of his coordination issues. I can’t tell you objectively what it helped and what it changed but, subjectively, I think it made a difference. Of course, it wasn’t cheap, but I was (and am) willing to try whatever might help Daniel function and enjoy life more than he did.

More recently, we tried BrainCore at our chiropractor’s office. The website describes it as: “BrainCore Therapy is a form of neurofeedback that incorporates all of the latest technology aimed at teaching patients how to control their own brainwaves. It is a fascinating form of treatment that is backed by more than 40 years of university based research studies. Until recently the technology and equipment necessary to perform neurofeedback could only be found in research labs. Now, in the last five to ten years, advancements in the field have allowed trained BrainCore clinicians to offer this incredible form of therapy to the general public. Though the BrainCore technology is quite complex, the training activity is simple, painless, drugless and non-invasive. Surface electrodes are placed on the scalp and brain wave activity is transmitted to the computer software. Auditory and visual feedback is provided instantly, so that the patient sees and hears representations of their brain in action. The patient is instructed to observe the auditory and visual feedback and allow the nervous system to reset itself based on that feedback. As the nervous system reorganizes itself based on this instantaneous information, the patterns begin to normalize. Over the course of 10 to 20 training sessions, neuroplastic modifications result in the permanent alleviation of the symptoms.”

We just completed the basic course of BrainCore this spring. It was pretty neat to see him control what was happening on the screen by just changing his brain waves. It was almost like watching a magic show or science fiction. The results for Daniel continue to surprise us. He had a hard time sleeping and staying on a schedule – his brain seemed to have no sense of time – now he finds it much easier to sleep and stay on schedule (if he chooses to – like all teenagers). He had a lot of trouble focusing and I was nervous about him driving but he is turning out to be an excellent driver. He took an online digital art class this summer and, normally, I would have had to sit beside him to keep him focused while he read the lessons, did the homework, answered the questions, and took the quizzes. He completed this class almost totally by himself, stayed focused, worked really hard, didn’t give up, and made an A!!! I was SO thankful. In the past, that kind of independence and focus would have been unheard of! He took a web design class for middle and high school students this past summer (for a week) and did very well and was able to get along with the other students. The last time we did a class like this, he had to call me halfway through the first day and asked to go home and never come back. This time, not only could he handle the workload but he did well with the social aspects also! He is also becoming more outgoing and less anxious/nervous about new situations and changes.

I know many parents have had success with modifying diets, adding exercise, and working with an occupational or physical therapist. We haven’t tried those – yet. I’m sure that part of Daniel’s growth is due to natural maturing and growing up but I am still glad that we gave these treatments and therapies a try. Who knows what we will need to do next but I am thankful that these options were available and that God provided them for us and provided the money we needed to do them. I am always thankful when I remember that God loves Daniel even more than I do and neither of us will give up on him!

~ Brooke

Filed Under: ADHD, Asperger, Autism, growth, Medication, Teenager Tagged With: , ,

PROUD

March 9, 2012 By Leave a Comment

When your child has had times when he doesn’t function in society, when he has had moments like running off the stage when playing Joseph in a Christmas play, biting a kid who was annoying him, or melting down as a toddler in the church nursery, you are allowed to feel proud when something seems to be working and they DO function, not only in society, but in a new or chaotic environment. I had some of those PROUD moments lately.

The first one came about a month ago when a teacher at the school where I work had a student in her class diagnosed with Aspergers and she asked me to come speak to the class. I told my 15-year-old son Daniel that I had been asked to speak and he asked me if he could come too. He said he’d like to tell the class about having Aspergers. Wow! I was surprised and SO excited. This kid was nervous to speak to adults or even kids his own age a few years ago and now he wants to speak in a class full of kids and teachers? So, we found a book about Aspergers and I read it to the class. After that, Daniel spoke and answered questions.

My favorite illustration that he gave was one about superheroes. He asked the class of first graders if superheroes were regular, normal people. Of course, they said no. Daniel went on to say that kids with Aspergers aren’t regular, normal people either. They are special in a good way, just like superheroes. He said he was glad he has Aspergers because it makes him super good at some things and it makes him who he is. Right after that, the newly diagnosed first grader said, “I’m glad I have Aspergers too.” Wow. Talk about having a teary-eyed, smiling moment of pride!

Then, this last weekend, we attended a First Robotics Competition. Daniel was able to join the Robotics team of a local public high school, as was another friend who is also a homeschooler. (Sometimes, all homeschoolers have to do is ask and you can join in with public school activities). He had spent the fall attending meetings and helping build this robot for the regional competition. Through that process, at the advice of a friend, I had stepped back and let him integrate into the group on his own. The kids on the team were really friendly and accepting of his differences and his gifts.

The competition, though, was in a big, noisy room at a convention center, with music playing, an announcer yelling, and busy people. The team was in a “pit” and was busily at work in semi-organized chaos. My son, somehow, was able to tune out the noise (with some effort) and stay engaged with the team all day long! He kept going back to the team to ask if there was anything they needed him to do, he watched competitions, and even helped carry the robot on the playing field. And, at the end of the day, he attended a dance and happily joined in on the dance floor, doing his own thing and enjoying the music and friends. Wow. Double-wow.

I know I must have looked pretty silly watching that dance. I just sat there and smiled from ear to ear. My son, who had struggled so much with friendship, social skills, academics, and much more, was really happy and accepted and had, in his words, “a day that he will never forget”. I’m not sure what we’ve done over the years that made the difference for those days and those experiences but I know God has been at work in Daniel’s life through many interventions, types of schooling, and prayers. All I can say is that I am thankful!

~ Brooke

Filed Under: Anxiety, Asperger, Challenge, Courage, Friends, FUN, grace, Homeschool, Parenting, Social skills, Teenager, Uncategorized Tagged With: , , ,
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