Chosen Families

April is Autism awareness month. The general public’s knowledge of the existence of autism is definitely on the rise as is the knowledge of ASD among those that we meet.

When my son was first diagnosed with Aspergers (in 3rd Grade), the most that I knew about autism was what I had learned from the movie Rainman. I was surprised that my bright, spunky son would be diagnosed with a disorder like autism. I had to do a lot of research and reading to confirm the diagnosis in my own mind. For several years after his diagnosis, most of the people that we mentioned it to had never heard of Aspergers. We often kept it quiet (in general conversation) to avoid the lengthy explanations that would follow our declaration that our son Daniel had received this diagnosis.

Now, however, 7 years later, we mention that Daniel has Aspergers and, most of the time, the response in conversation sounds something like one of these: oh, my grandson has Aspergers, we have a child in our church with Autism, my son has that too, one of my students has been diagnosed with Aspergers. Our general experience matches the growing numbers released by the CDC to the media (1 in 50 children are on the autism spectrum).

There are now so many families dealing with the challenges of having a child who struggles in this area. As a result, our understanding and compassion for one another should be increasing, our educational resources should be more available, and the futures for this growing segment of our population should be brighter, right? Well, for the most part, they are not. There are still so many misunderstandings out there. The educational resources are still limited and potential employers willing to hire our quirky loved ones are still hard to find.

Yesterday, I was talking to an employee at my dental office about her daughter heading off to college next year. She knew that I have a son close to that age and asked what we were thinking about for his future – what college and what major. I responded that he probably wouldn’t go to college right away but would seek training for a trade of some sort. I told her he had Aspergers and several learning disabilities and that traditional school was very hard for him so we homeschooled. His current career idea is something like an x-ray technician. She responded that maybe he could do a job like the person who walks you back to get your x-rays. She then asked if he could do that kind of job, if he could follow simple directions. Wow. I had no response to that and wouldn’t have known how to respond even if she hadn’t put the dental instrument back in my mouth at that point. My motherly defenses went up and my mind spun with the thoughts of how bright and funny and smart my son is and how little this person obviously knew about Aspergers. (The funny thing is that she has met Daniel and even done his teeth before). She had many misconceptions and misunderstandings about Aspergers and about my son. Maybe having a month like Autism Awareness Month will help get the word out there, dispel misunderstandings, and the understanding and compassion in our culture will grow.

The important thing is that we, as individuals and as a society, learn and remember how different each one of us is from the others, that people with Autism and Aspergers don’t fit in the exact same mold as one another, and that each of our differences contribute to a better whole, a better society. Each person, whether they have Down’s Syndrome, Autism, OCD, or any other label, has a purpose and value in our society. Our box is going to have to get bigger and have a flexible shape because our kids don’t fit inside a traditional box any more. Our knowledge and acceptance of (and resources for) our kids is going to have to grow.

I pray that I can be a part of that and that my son can be a part of showing the world how amazing and special people with this diagnosis can be. I also pray that I can be compassionate and understanding to those who hold these misunderstandings and that I can help show them and teach them about the value of the people that God has made.

Brooke