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The Red Sea

October 2, 2011 By Leave a Comment

The Red Sea – Figuratively, I thought I was already there. See C-H-A-N-G-E.  I really thought it (aka troubles, unexpected changes, issues, unwelcome news – read between the lines… not MY plan) had gotten as deep and wide as it could possibly be.

After several weeks of finding out that one, then two, then three therapists were leaving our team, then finding out our sitter (respite) was cutting her hours almost completely – I’d felt very overwhelmed. It couldn’t get worse. Then our son’s school decided they no longer felt capable of servicing him at their rural building (after a lengthy IEP process last Spring brought us to a point of them doing so). With one week left before school started, we were slammed with the decision to either send him to school without any extra support or any accommodations or switch him to another school. This affects him short-term and long-term, and it affects our other children. With only a week to do research, we made the final decision three days before school started and at that point told our boys. We switched both our sons to a different school. Owen took the news very well. Ethan took it hard. He’s older and had made friendships, and he’s a shy guy. It was an incredibly gut-wrenching discussion and I felt so incredibly bad for my son when he told me, with tears in his eyes, this was the worst thing I’ve ever done to him.

We’ve moved past this very bad situation and are embracing their new placement. They are adjusting and so are we. And as I recently said to a friend, adjusting is a step (or two) past shock.

What got me through that was alot of hard leaning on God and some very encouraging words from a friend I’ve never met. A fellow blogger, Joan, sent me these words…

oh my unseen friend, I hear your grief…just wanted you to know that. I have felt all those things. One of those times I felt trapped, like the Israelites – caught between Pharaoh’s army and the Red Sea – two ways to die, no way to live. Then a friend said, “God leads us into dead ends so HE can deliver.”

These words ministered to me so deeply and I will share more in a future post….

Kara

 

Filed Under: Asperger, Autism, Change, God's presence, IEP, school Tagged With: , , , ,

To the Future!

September 13, 2011 By 3 Comments

He consented to rearranging his room AND moving his homework space! Those of you who deal with Aspergers know how tremendous this actually is. It is times like these that I think there is hope for my son to cope in a world outside of our home where other people are in charge who don’t care that he HATES change. Since school began this year we have had homework battles. We’ve always tried to assign separate ‘homework’ areas for the kids so that distractions are minimal and everyone can get their work done. Stephen has always been able to work at the kitchen table because that allowed me to keep an eye on him (to make sure he wasn’t getting distracted by any noises, talking, his pencil, or a shadow on the wall) and also to help him if he needed my assistance. You did notice I said ALWAYS there. But this year, his brother, the high school senior, needs to use the family computer which is located adjacent to the kitchen for a lot of his assignments. He also likes to chat sometimes while working. That is problem #1. My ten year old daughter finds the best way to do her homework is to teach (out loud) her imaginary class using a whiteboard. Where is the prime spot for her classroom? You guessed it, the living room adjacent to the kitchen. That is problem #2.

Being the problem solvers/peacemakers we are we came up with a solution. We offered that Stephen could do his homework in his bedroom (since he rarely needs my help with his work and is now able to stay focused until he completes the assignment.) This suggestion has been made in the past, but always met with arguments about how distracted he would be in his room and how he has nowhere to sit while he does his work other than on his bed. But this time when my husband offered to put a desk in his room so he could work in there he accepted the offer! Over the weekend his room was rearranged enough to get a desk into the corner. He cleaned out school stuff that had been in his room from years gone by. And now, he has a study spot all to himself. Today he was actually excited that he would be doing his homework in his area!

Sometimes dealing with someone with Aspergers feels similar to beating your head repeatedly against a brick wall. And then other times it is oh, so rewarding. At those moments when you see them take a giant step forward in their social/emotional development, you get a glimpse into a future full of hope and possibilities.

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26

Excited about the possibilities

~Louise

Filed Under: Asperger, Change, Encouragement, growth, Hope, Parenting, school Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Change and Anxiety

September 10, 2011 By 1 Comment

For children with bipolar disorder or anxiety issues change can be tough. And the first week of a new school year is filled with exactly that: C.H.A.N.G.E. and lots of it.

There is a new schedule, new teachers, new courses, new homework, new activities, new lunch periods, and every other conceivable “new” that goes with a new school year.

This is stressful for many kids but particularly challenging for a kid with bipolar disorder who tends to experience all emotions at a heightened level.

The good news is this. It gets better. The anxiety of a new school year used to eat us alive for the first week or ten days of a new year. Now, it is a little heightened but more manageable.

The boy is growing up.

I don’t know about you, but that gives me great hope. Great hope for a good year. Great hope for college or career preparation. Great hope for life beyond our home.

The Lord is faithful to provide in seasons of change. And isn’t that so much what life is about? Change is part of our human existence. Not that all change is good. But all change is not bad either. It is like the rest of life. Some is good. Some is bad. But God is always present no matter which it is.

That is a good word.

Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41: 10

It is important to remind our children (and ourselves) when they face change that God is always the same – yesterday, today and forever. HE does not change even if everything else around us does. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever. Hebrews 13: 8

Good news.

Grateful for the unchangeable God,

~ Hannah

Filed Under: Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, Change, Encouragement, God's presence, Gratitude, Parenting, school Tagged With: , , , , , ,

On Knowing the Future

September 6, 2011 By Leave a Comment

“If God conceals anything, He does so to cause us to trust in Him.  What we already know leaves little room for trust.  Conversely, we have to depend on Him for what we do not know.  Providence sends us various trials and all of them are for the purpose of exercising and increasing our faith.”  Charles Spurgeon

I want to know the future.  God wants to increase my faith.

I want to know what will happen to us.  God wants me to trust Him.

Today is the first day of school for our three children.  Em is in 7th grade … how did she get to be so old?  Joel is in 5th grade, and Meg is in 2nd.  We love our small Christian school and we are so thankful to God that our children can attend there.  For the past few years, I have taught there part-time.  This is the first year that I will not be teaching at my children’s school.  I will no longer see my children during the school day, walking down the hallway, stopping by to say hi, or in class … and most likely, I will not be there for them when they get home as I am looking for a new full-time job to provide income and benefits for our family.

This year I have decided not to teach.  I have found myself worn out after days of teaching, multi-tasking and interacting with so many students of various ages.  I am asking God to provide me with a job where I come home less worn out; where I have more left to give to my family at the end of my day.  But change is difficult, and I do not know right now what job God will provide, or what the  commute, hours or pay will be like.

Right now,  the only thing that is certain in our lives is the fact that our circumstances are changeable and trusting God looks different every day.  Sometimes I feel like we are the unstable man described in James 1, whose faith is “like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.”  Other times I am aware that though we are driven and tossed, we definitely have a strong anchor that is holding us, “a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul” (Hebrews 6).

Oh how thankful I am that it is not my hold that keeps me, but His hold on me.

I want to know the future.  I can pray for our circumstances.  But even more, I pray that our future yields a more vibrant faith, a more childlike trust, and a closer walk with God.

Please join me in that prayer.  Thank you!

~ Nancy

Filed Under: Change, God's presence Tagged With: ,

C-H-A-N-G-E

September 1, 2011 By 1 Comment

“It’s not good! No, I don’t like it! I am not going to accept this! This is so bad. Everything is ruined. No, No, No!!”

That’s the grown up temper tantrum/pity party. And I recently had one. They don’t always include tears and you name it. But this one did. I’d had it. Enough change already! My head can’t handle any more change. I don’t have the answers anymore. Maybe after one change I still had it together. But now the bottom has fallen out. My neatly stacked, perfectly built Everything At This Time – are just right. I don’t want this change.

But it’s happening anyway. And I can look outside of myself and see that each thing changing around me is better, for that person. I can fully understand why people (your child’s therapists, teachers, support staff, caregivers, doctors) have job changes, why people have to let go of certain jobs or shifts for the priority of their family. I get it and I fully appreciate it. But when it hits you over the head and across the chest for the fifth time when you thought it couldn’t possibly get any worse – ugh. You just sink.   And I sunk.

But when you sink you have the opportunity to reach out and take in the support and love from others. I sat there crying so hard wishing I had someone to lean on, a physical person. I knew God is and will be my ultimate comforter. I felt somewhat selfish wishing I had the perfect friend to call and go see in the flesh at that moment. But that is what I needed. And God created us in this way and He created us in a way that we can be comforters to others. I want to encourage you to lean on Chosen Families and the bloggers here when you need a friend who “gets it.”

Kara

Filed Under: Anxiety, Change, Confession, Friends, Journey Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Back to school blues

August 19, 2011 By Leave a Comment

It’s that time around my house, as I’m sure it is most of yours. Back to school time has arrived!  The summer is over (although the 100+ temperatures are not) and it’s time to fall back into a strict routine. I, to be frankly honest, do not love this time of year… I am rather sad to have a house devoid of my little sidekicks.

This year, my sweet twins have started Kindergarten, and I have a big First grader on my hands. The fear of juggling three kids in “big school” is REAL for me. I’m sure that those with older children are thinking that I’m merely getting started, and being scared now is silly…  but I’m SCARED!

Three backpacks to pack, three (different) snacks, three (different) lunches, six shoes EVERY SINGLE DAY…. sheesh I’m tired already! This doesn’t even speak to the daily ins and outs of pickup, dropoff, homework, reading, quality family time… OH YEAH and that little thing called the emotional turmoils of young children requiring parental attention and intervention.

I have such a strong desire for my children to do well and succeed, and be happy, accepted, and socially appropriate, just like every other mother I know. What will this year bring? We can’t know, but can only be hopeful that our desires will be fulfilled.

Hopeful for YOUR new school year,

Cape wearing Mommy

Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.  –HEB 10:23

Filed Under: Change, Journey, Parenting, school Tagged With: , , ,

Not So Simple Changes

July 8, 2011 By Leave a Comment

I have realized over the years how hard it can be for my son to change his clothing requirements from one season to the next. Autism, after all, brings some rigidity or inflexibility. When something is done one way for a long period of time it can be hard to switch gears and do it a different way. Every year in WI, our Spring season brings some hot summer-like days where we are so excited to break into our shorts.  And then just like that the weather turns back to almost feeling like Winter. If we wanted to, we could be wearing a tank top one day and back to jeans and long sleeve shirts the next.  And then we deal with it once again as we approach Fall. We look forward to the cool crisp days and we break out the jeans but then find ourselves with a weekend of Indian Summer weather.  This is confusing for Owen.

In order to prevent meltdowns over clothes, I have learned some ways to cope with this so that my son isn’t wearing his tank top when he should have gotten the winter coat back out again. I no longer store off-season clothing where Owen can see it. Right now it works to keep it on a top shelf – just so long as it is out of sight and out of mind. Then I can control when I am willing to see (aka… the weather is appropriate for) certain types of clothing.  When we get those early Spring days with unseasonably warm weather I try my best to keep Owen in pants, with a short sleeve t-shirt. Because after that I can still bring the sweatshirts back out. And then when we are fully into our hot summer weather we get out the shorts and tank tops once and for all … well, at least until Fall.

Who knew weather changes could be so confusing ….

Kara

Filed Under: ADHD, Asperger, Autism, Change Tagged With: , , ,

Transitions

July 4, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Lately I’ve been thinking alot about transitions, mostly about Daniel’s transition from high school in 2013 to some kind of meaningful afterlife. Life after high school, I mean.

We have a Transition Counselor at his high school. If you do a search on “transition” at http://www.disability.gov/, you get 130 results. “Transition” is a big buzzword in the autism community, and I suspect among others as well, especially the move from high school, whether by graduation or aging out. How many of our kids started school in Early Intervention at ages 3 and 4, and now a scant 13 or so years later we are terrified at the prospect of no system being in place to meet the needs of our soon-to-be-adults special children? We pray, we research, we save, we debate the guardianship issue, and we set up special needs trusts (you have, haven’t you?).  Who will care about (and for) our adult only-child when we die?

Yet this is not the first transition we have faced. Giving birth was a big one. Especially at age 38 after 3 miscarriages. The clinical diagnosis — the transition from a pretense of normalcy to we will never be “normal.” Uprootings and transitions from one military duty station after another (5 times in 12 years), and I’m talking major moves from West Coast to East Coast, back to the West Coast, to the deep South, to the far North, and back to the East Coast (in that order.)

So I’ve learned a few things along the way, and the biggest and best is that God is the God of transitions: nothing catches Him by surprise. “Great is Thy Faithfulness” is my favorite hymn for a reason. He is the Potter, I am the clay. I am His work of art: He gets to do with me as He pleases. He does not answer to me: it is I who will answer to Him. Daniel is just on loan to me to work God’s purposes in my life. This is freedom, and peace is the antidote for stress.

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

John 16:33
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Even so, Lord Jesus, come quickly.

Transitioning with Him – Peggy

Filed Under: Change, Encouragement, General, God's presence, Gratitude, Hope, Journey, Parenting Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Lessons Learned: Tantrumming

June 4, 2011 By 6 Comments

The best thing we ever did therapeutically for Daniel (and our parenting of him) was one week of immersion family therapy at PACE Place in Oregon.  It was worth every penny of airfare from Chicago, plus the cost of therapy (which includes lodging) and food. Seven years later we are still reaping the benefits of this amazing program. I CAN’T RECOMMEND IT HIGHLY ENOUGH.

At the time, 10 year-old Daniel was still in the throes of uncontrollable meltdowns when he was disappointed or didn’t want to do something or was just disoriented. I remember one airport scene when he was younger and we were traveling somewhere without Dad for some reason, where we had a long layover or delayed flight (or maybe it just seemed interminable), and I couldn’t let him roam because he would run, and I couldn’t trust him to reference me and stay within eyesight of me. So he had a screaming/crying/flailing fit that I could only manage by sitting on the floor cross-legged, with him in my lap and both arms wrapped tightly around him in physical restraint. I was shedding buckets of my own tears openly, and not a single person offered any attention, much less compassion or a kind word. So we desperately needed some lessons in tantrum management.

“Stop and wait until you change your mind,” learned at PACE Place, was a watershed for us, and we still use it. The week following our stay at PACE Place was spent on vacation in SoCal, and we had immediate opportunity to use it. Daniel was and remains a gameshow fanatic. One of the anticipated highlights of our SoCal vacation was a visit to California Adventure Park where a mock-up of Who Wants To Be a Millionaire? was one of the attractions. You guessed it: when we got there, the attraction was closed. Permanently, as in forever. But they hadn’t taken down the sign yet. There it was, emblazoned on the locked-down building. Cue the wailing. Oh, that’s me wailing. Not really, but you know the mom-devastation when your child’s dream comes crashing down around him, and you can’t fix it. There’s nothing you can do. Broken-hearted tears, loud frantic crying, gut-wrenching distress.

So, we pulled a newly-minted PACE Place weapon from our arsenal; “Stop and wait until you change your mind.”  1.  Affirm the distress: “Daniel, we are so sorry your attraction is closed. There’s nothing Mom and Dad can do. We don’t blame you for feeling terrible.” 2. Offer respite: “There are lots of really fun rides we can go on today, but we are going to sit down here on the bench and wait until you change your mind about going on another ride.” 3. Wait patiently, continually offering soothing apologies, reaffirming that we will wait him out until he changes his mind.  4. Repeat Step 3 until he says with a resigned shudder 30 minutes later, “OK, I’ve changed my mind, I’m ready to go on another ride.”

Why it works: Autism often presents as a mental or emotional entrenchment, a rut. This method plants a mustard seed of suggestion in the mind of the afflicted child that they actually can change their own mind, which is hugely empowering. Used over and over again over the years, it’s still astonishing to hear him verbalize, after being in an entrenched position, “I changed my mind.” Which makes him more resilient when faced with changes in our plans. He gets it when I say I’ve changed my mind. I use this relentlessly for discipline purposes when he won’t cooperate or do what he’s been told. “Fine. We are just going to sit here – no TV, no computer, no dinner, no whatever - until you change your mind, because I am not going to change my mind.” “OK, OK I’VE CHANGED MY MIND!” “Try again.” “OK, I’ve changed my mind.” Resignation.

Let me know how it works for you.

Change is good.

Fondly, Peggy

Filed Under: Autism, Change, Parenting Tagged With: , ,

Submitting My Resignation

May 21, 2011 By Leave a Comment

I don’t know about you, but I spend a large part of my life living under the illusion that I am in control. I never set out to live this way, but subtly I believe this lie until something happens, good or bad, to remind me I am not in control.

Reality check!

Enter fear and anxiety over this unplanned (by my standards) thing, event or opportunity.

I end up wrestling with the Lord and it is usually emotionally, physically and spiritually draining. I must pray, journal and digest Scripture to once again remind myself of The Truth of who is in control and submit all of my fears and anxieties to the One who is not only able to carry this burden, but give me peace, love and joy in return.

Enter freedom.

The freedom doesn’t come overnight for me, but it does come even as fear and anxiety try to take over. I continually release myself, my family, and my future to the Lord and choose to trust that His plans, timing and purposes are perfect for me (us).

I wave the white flag of surrender and day by day, minute by minute, choose to focus on the present and remember that I am trusting myself and my family to someone who will work all things together for our good as only He can. (Romans 8:28)

I am free to be a child of God and not the boss. I was never created to be the ultimate boss and therefore, I am not very good at it. Sure I still have my role to play as wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, etc., but I am not on my own as I do them.

This makes a big difference.

So I am submitting my resignation, a resignation from a job I took and was never intended to be mine. I choose to trust that He is in control and that He will work all things together for my (our) good. I confess that this is not the first time I have had to submit my resignation, and suspect it will not be my last. (I tend to have to make this declaration at each new stage of life I enter.) But Lord, thank you for being the One who is in control and forgive me for trying to do Your job. It is Yours and You can have it! :)

Choosing to trust,

Lynn

He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.
Colossians 1:15-17

Filed Under: Change, Confession, growth, Hope Tagged With: , , , ,
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