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When all is not “Fun and Games”

July 13, 2012 By Leave a Comment

I love to read. It’s like breathing. And I come from a long line of genteel but victorious word game players. My daddy perused the Reader’s Digest’s Word Power page while my mama’s parents routinely required the children to reference the dictionary during the dinner hour (something that could quite possibly be fatal if ever tried here in our house).

I met my husband at college – a place where reading is a survival skill if there ever was one. And as the sing-song goes,  “first came love, then came marriage, then came a baby in a baby carriage,” who by the way, was born to read. SO you can imagine my delight collecting every book known to man! (Honey, we need more bookcases….) I remember thinking, “these books will be devoured by ALL our children! Just think of the valuable lessons they will soak up….” Oh the places we’ll go, to quote Dr. Seuss.

Did NOT happen.

Turns out, our firstborn was not only first, but also the only reader. I married a (brilliant) nonreader, so maybe that explains (in a Mendel sort of way) why we (meaning I) gave birth to two more non-readers. But no scientific study predicted our firstborn marrying a nonreader (introducing bookcases into their new home) and our 3rd born seriously dating a nonreader, bringing us to a grand total of 5 out of 7.

Do you know what this means??

It means, quite simply, there are some games we will NEVER be playing as a family. This we learned, after much trial and some error.

For instance, no Bananagrams, Scrabble, Boggle, or any kind of spelling/vocabulary/word game. No more Gestures or Taboo. That’s just ASKING for trouble. Timed reading with an audience = how to kill fun in one minute or less.

So, you may ask, what do you DO during those proverbial family game times??

Dutch Blitz, Mexican dominoes, Settlers of Bataan, Triaminoes, Blokus, Up the River/Down the River, Ticket to Ride, Sequence… (These companies are not paying me to advertise, it’s just that you couldn’t pay me to try any more “family game time” otherwise.) Oh, and it may interest you to know my kids learned poker (does not require reading) from one of my best friends’ children when they were home on furlough from the mission field. In middle school.

To be clear: my life is incredibly richer being introduced to another angle of life by these loved ones who live amazing lives without reading books. I wouldn’t trade any one of them for all the books or any word game in the world.

(BUT if you ever want to play a game of Bananagrams, you can reach me at 1-800-Just-Kidding)

Playfully :) ,

Joan

 

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Sometimes you just have to play

February 1, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Confession.  I am a Martha.  Yep, it’s true.  I am a worker bee.  I am consistently guilty of working on something, anything, almost all the time.  I am not very good at just resting.  Or … deep breath … PLAYING.

AGH.  I said it.  I am guilty of not knowing how to PLAY.

When did I forget how to play?  I used to play as a child, as a teen, as a twenty-something.

But somewhere between working in D.C., law school (at night because I was working full time), marrying, having children, IEPs, etc., I forgot how to play.  There were things to do — good things — but always SOMETHING.

Not today.  Nope.  I am playing hookie.  No clothes to wash, meals to make, homework to review, papers to sign….

We are stealing away and going to play.  AGH!  I feel so … bad.  GLINT in my eye.  SMILE on my face.

We are stealing away to celebrate, are you listening?  GROUNDHOG DAY!  Yep, we are doing it.  We have talked about it for years and we are doing it.  We are taking the kids out of school and going to Punxsutawney, PA (it has only taken my looking that spelling up about 87 times to get it right.)

And I am thrilled.  So today, just today, I am going to play.

The blogs can wait.  The email can wait.  The phone calls can wait.

If you call and get my voicemail, just hang.  I’ll get back to being Martha tomorrow.

Affectionately,

~ Shannon

 

Filed Under: Family, FUN, Parenting Tagged With: , ,

God’s Grace and Patient Zero

December 26, 2011 By Leave a Comment

The Hardin household is once again entering that special time of year. I am not talking about the Yuletide season; no, I am talking about the cold and flu season. What do I mean by that? Lets just say that our son Fletcher is a very giving young man, and it never fails that he “gifts” me at least one sickness during this time of year. You may be thinking, “If you know that this tends to happen every year, why don’t you do something about it?”

That is a good question, and its answer is slightly complicated. You see, there are several things about Fletcher, our relationship, and me that make my proclivity toward illness as predictable as Christmas falling on the 25th of December.

First, Fletcher deals with apraxia, a disorder in which he tends to put everything, and I mean everything, in his mouth. This of course means he tends to store germs in his jaws like a manic squirrel stores acorns on a late autumn day.

Second, although Fletcher is non-verbal, that does not mean he cannot communicate. Fletch tends to mimic Judge Reinhold’s guest character on the sitcom Seinfeld by being a “bit of a close talker.” Said another way, he often attempts to communicate with me by placing his forehead against mine while giggling joyously at one thing or another. This provides me with plenty of opportunities to receive anything that Fletch may have for me.

Third, Fletch demands that he and Dad have their “wrestle time” every single day. Now sometimes big brother Tucker stands in for me, but for the most part, Fletcher doesn’t feel complete until he and I have had our bonding time, a time that was so much easier for me when I was younger and he was smaller. His persistence in wrestling me cannot be avoided; he will grab me by the hand and pull me over on the couch until he has had his fill (usually around 15-20 minutes) of connected time with Dada.

Fourth, I have never met a cold virus that my body didn’t want to promote to a full-blown case of sinusitis. Whereas my little Patient Zero will bring a cold home, he rarely ceases to function at less than optimal speed for more than a day or so. Me on the other hand, will get really sick for a few days, the kind of sick where I find myself making deals with God much like Burt Reynolds’ character in the movie The End. You know what I am talking about, “God, if you allow me to breathe  through my nose again, I promise to give you 100% of everything I earn for the rest of my life!” You may be thinking, “If Fletcher makes you so sick, why do you go around him when you think he has a cold?”

There are three reasons:

1. I love my son. The Scriptures say, “love covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8). As I have grown in my relationship with Fletcher, I now have a slight appreciation for those pastors who ministered to afflicted people during times of plague and disease.

2. I love my God. When I interact with my disease-ridden little fellow I am serving him and meeting his emotional needs. I do this not only because he needs me, but also I do it because that is what I am supposed to do. Fletcher needs his “wrestle time” as badly as the wounded man needed the Good Samaritan’s compassion (Luke 10:30-37).

3. I trust my Jesus. Although I am the biggest wimp in the world when it comes to being ill, fortunately, I don’t have to rely upon my own strength during such times. Jesus’ words to Paul are Jesus’ words for me: “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me (2 Corinthians 12:9).” No matter what I am exposed to, I know that Christ will give me the grace to get through it, including anything that Fletch may give me.

With these things stated, I must go for now. I can hear Fletch’s fiendish laugh as he’s coming down the hall. It’s time for another round of wrestling. Before this impending Battle Royale, I need to go take another antibiotic because Fletch looks determined to win this time!

~ Todd

Filed Under: Autism, Challenge, Family, FUN, grace, humor, Parenting, Relationships, Trust Tagged With: , , , , , , ,

Christmas Memories

December 8, 2011 By 1 Comment

Earlier this week Sarah did a wonderful post about making Christmas work around her home.  I had to smile because it brought back so many memories for me of what worked for us when our boys were younger.

One of the things that worked beautifully was that they had their own small tree that they got to decorate as they wanted.  We did construction paper linked chains, used candy canes and their own special ornaments.  Often their tree was so delightful and cheerful that I had to smile and think IT should be the “family” tree.

This picture is one of my favorite memories of that time. One of the things I learned early on was that the challenge was to manage, not control. I had to find creative ways to make things work and this was one I discovered that made everyone involved happy.

We have continued this tradition even as the boys have gotten older. Each year we give them an ornament that is a memory of that year in some way. That way when they leave home they will go with Christmas ornament memories of special things from their childhood.

One of the other traditions we borrowed from my sister, whose kids are a bit older than ours, is a birthday cake for Jesus. When they were little, and we were trying to make sure Jesus stayed the focus of Christmas, we baked a special cake for His birthday and celebrated and sang to Him on Christmas day.

What have YOU done in your home to make things work and be special in the Christmas season? I would love to hear from you.

Merry Christmas friends,

~ Shannon

Filed Under: Christmas, Family, FUN, Holidays, Parenting Tagged With: , , ,

Splendor in the Gray

November 2, 2011 By 1 Comment

If you live in a family with hidden disabilities, you know how much we need comic relief in our lives. I love how God gives us those moments of hilarity just when we need them.

Sometimes, Jesus makes me laugh through my daughter as she navigates her life.

Sometimes, all He needs to make me laugh is me.

One Sunday morning at church, just before the service, I was washing my hands in the ladies’ restroom. I looked in the mirror and noticed I had some new gray hairs.

Now, I have many established gray hairs, and I tolerate them all right. But these particular gray hairs weren’t intermingling with my regularly-colored hair.

They were standing straight up in the air,
hanging down on my forehead,
pointing every direction they could to make them noticeable.

I started pulling out those offending hairs one by one.

I said to the ladies with me, “Maybe I should just leave them alone. Isn’t there a verse in the Bible that says gray hairs are a gift, or something like that?”

None of us knew which verse it was, or if that was one of those sayings which people attribute to the Bible but isn’t actually scriptural (e.g., “God helps those who help themselves.”) I threw the gray hairs in the trash can and headed to the church service.

Imagine my surprise
and delight!
and laughter
when my pastor started preaching: “What does the Bible say about aging?”

I felt totally hugged by God.

Most people don’t like to get old. Just that week, I admitted aloud, “I don’t want to be old.” My pastor didn’t know that. He was just preaching what God told him to preach. Ecclesiastes 12 has some interesting things to say, a little preview of the aging process.

It ain’t pretty.

God said to me in those few moments, “Get over it, Cassandra. Growing old is part of My plan. If you’ll stop kicking and screaming about it, the process will be a joy, not torture.”

The pastor  read Proverbs 16:31: “Gray hair is a crown of splendor; it is attained by a righteous life.“  I wrote in my notes, “God says gray hair is cool!”

Then I remembered.

“Oh, no!,” I thought. “I just threw my splendor in the garbage!”

I can only hope that what they say is true:  for every gray hair I pull out, two gray hairs will replace it.

Letting the gray grow,

Cassandra

Filed Under: FUN, growth, humor Tagged With: ,

Four Days of Togetherness

July 5, 2011 By Leave a Comment

Our family is about to load up and take a five hour road trip to an amusement park. We are meeting my husband’s sister, her husband, their son, his wife and their three young daughters. We will then spend three days in an amusement park enjoying rides, shows and concerts. Can you spell o-v-e-r-s-t-i-m-u-l-a-t-i-o-n???

Although this is a trip we have made before and a trip we’ve been looking forward to for several months, Stephen (our 14 year old son with Asperger Syndrome) came to me a couple of days ago and shared that he was feeling a little anxious about it. We talked about the fun we would have and I assured him it would be fine (because that is what I normally do.)

But, he did start me thinking. As I run through all of the potential “hot spots” in this trip we have to be intentional in planning certain aspects with regards to Stephen and his needs. Here are some of my thoughts.

  • Stephen likes a plan—it is very hard to plan in an amusement park where there can be so many unknown factors (long lines, rides closed for maintenance, weather). We should start with a list of rides, find out which ones Stephen particularly wants to ride and make sure one of us is prepared to ride with him.
  • Stephen isn’t a fan of music, so someone needs to be prepared to continue to ride and enjoy the park with him or take him back to the hotel for some relaxation time.
  • He is very uncomfortable having to sit next to people he doesn’t know. So, it wouldn’t be a good idea to split up and ride as ‘single riders’.
  • He gets grumpy when he gets tired. We should make sure there is a plan for him to get off of his feet and cool off when he reaches his limit.
  • When he decides he wants something (including snacks & drinks) it becomes his obsession. He does much better when we give him a designated amount of discretionary money he can spend on snacks, drinks, games & souvenirs. That transfers the responsibility for his decisions from us to him and helps him feel a sense of ownership for the choices he makes (which becomes a good life lesson, too.)
  • Last, it is good to remind the other members of our family about Stephen’s concerns and differences. If all of us work together to help Stephen navigate his issues, it will be a much more pleasant experience for all of us.

So, here’s to summer, family vacations, amusement parks and togetherness!!!

-Louise

 

Filed Under: Asperger, Extended family, FUN, Parenting Tagged With: , , ,